A&A Ep 97
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Karrie: [00:00:00] Welcome to Awakened and Alive After 40.
Dominique: If you're searching for inspiring and easy to apply Enneagram and Human Design content, then you've come to the right place. We're your hosts, Dominique
Karrie: and Karrie, two friends and coaches who are passionate about sharing our knowledge and insights on these two powerful self awareness systems to help you step outside the box and into a life that is true to who you really are.
Dominique: We're so grateful to have you here. Let's jump into today's episode. Hey there friends and welcome back to Awakened and Alive After 40. Karrie and I are so excited to have you join us on this episode where we are going to be talking about how to overcome a lack mindset. And we're going to be sharing five ways to start believing you are enough and you have enough. By no means [00:01:00] is this an exhaustive list, but we wanted to at least share a few things that we've used within our own lives and within our coaching containers and from what we have just learned as we have navigated our own paths in life. And when it comes to overcoming a lack mindset, I feel like this is just, it's hard shit, you know. It is hard because life can be extremely hard. I have to say for myself, no matter the challenges I've gone through, I have been in a position where I've had support from family, and love from those that I loved myself, and I just had that structure to kind of help me through. And I know that there's a lot of you out there that maybe don't feel you have that support at this time or you have in the past. First off, our hearts go out to you because we know to only a certain extent what that could be like, but can't imagine what it could [00:02:00] be bringing about in some of your lives. So we wanted to share this episode for hopefully a little bit of inspiration to find those little glimmers in life to help you along your path to overcoming this mindset. Karrie I am curious, what has your experience been with a lack mindset or a mindset of maybe believing you don't have enough or are enough or in general, what is that feeling like for you?
Karrie: I think a lot of us can relate to this and maybe we each have our own story around it and come at it from a different angle. For example, a lot of women I think understand this because we're taught throughout our life through advertising and all of the things we see in society that we aren't enough, especially compared to men and boys, just because that was the standard norm for so long throughout the world that a human was considered male. And [00:03:00] females were the exception to that rule. So that seeps into us even though we've made great progress in that area, and I feel very fortunate to be living life in the society and the day and age that I am, that's still there. Just little things, like, I've seen videos from people I know personally who are doing, in my opinion, the very outdated practice of gender reveal parties for their expected children, and the dad is way happier when there's a boy. There was an instance where it was a set of twins, and it was a boy twin and a girl twin, and they revealed the girl, and the dad was like, happy, and like, excited, and then when the blue popped out of the way they revealed it, he was like, screaming and jumping up and down and yelling, and it's like, I hope your kids, when they're older, never see this video.
Dominique: I know exactly what you mean. I've had some people in my life kind of do that.
Karrie: And I'm not like faulting anyone for their true feelings or desires because I [00:04:00] can't speak as a parent. Neither of us have children, and if I had kids, I'd probably prefer to have girls, if I'm being honest, because I'm a woman and I was a girl and I understand that experience, but I think it does impact that not enough feeling that many girls and women struggle with in life. And it's something that I've acknowledged in myself and that I have consciously done things to help work through.
Dominique: Yes. Yeah. And I'll agree with that for sure as myself also identifying as female. It's something that I very much grew up with like, oh, you can't do that because you're a girl and kids in schools, they're always, a little bit mean every now and then, even when they say like, oh, you fight like a girl, like it's a lesser thing.
Karrie: Right. You run like a girl.
Dominique: Right. Exactly. And besides talking about these differences within what it's like to be female or male or however you're identifying, this mindset [00:05:00] also comes about from conditioning as far as like societal conditioning, familial conditioning with even careers. Like for me, that was a big one there and finances and success. How many times have you heard money doesn't grow on trees? Or you have to work your ass off in order to be successful. And then a lot of the times I would tell myself, well, I can't do that because I don't have that education or because I'm a woman or because of whatever, you name it. It was all of the things. Also, when it comes to the fear versus love that we talk a lot about, when we're looking at a lack mindset, it's a mindset of fear. For me, I like to think, how am I feeling this in my body? Is this making me feel expanded? Am I feeling retraction? That's what keeps me aware now of when that lack mindset is coming up [00:06:00] for me. So when we're pushing and we're forcing to achieve outcomes due to fear, that can, for example, really simple one, because one of my mentors has talked about this. When you are saying, I'm going to start exercising, are you going to start exercising because you're fearful of getting cancer or high cholesterol, or are you going to start exercising because you know what, I want to feel good. I want to be able to go on walks with my children. I want to be able to get up from the floor without using my hands, whatever it might be. There's this difference. When we're doing something out of fear versus doing something because we know it is going to enrich our lives and the lives of others. And this is something that I had to break within myself, when it came to exercise. I had some body image issues growing up, feeling like I wasn't enough. I didn't look right. Nowadays I'm like, how am I feeling? Am I feeling good about my [00:07:00] movement? And I do a lot of yoga, and I have made a conscious effort to not compare myself to others because I'm basing it off of how I feel, not how others feel or how others opinions affect me in those particular areas.
Karrie: The exercise one, is a great example because so many people exercise for the wrong reason, and then that's harder to maintain. And another huge one that a lot of people probably can relate to at some point in their life is that lack mindset around money. And like you pointed out, these sayings that we just think are truth and normalized, like money doesn't grow on trees or just this idea of having to save, save and hoard our money for the future rather than thinking of money as a replenishable resource that is always available to us and able to be re gotten if we don't have [00:08:00] as much as we want.
Dominique: Right, right, yeah.
Karrie: In the moment. And I think depending on where you're from and where you grew up and your family's relationship with money, there are so many things that can go into creating this conditioned mindset around money. And it's been one of my biggest lessons as an adult is like recognizing all this, and there's layer after layer after layer. Once I think I've cleared something, I find a new layer of money conditioning. So it's a big thing that a lot of us don't even recognize or realize we're experiencing.
Dominique: Yeah. I'm in the same boat as you are as well with the money mindset. I think I told you the other day, it's like, well, wait a minute, how am I going to make money doing something that I actually love? That was one of my biggest things. A lot of it is because I just saw a lot of other people, even successful people in my life, doing jobs that they hated. But it made money and I'm like, oh, okay, I guess that's just how it works. So you kind of [00:09:00] get pulled into this cycle that so many other people are in. And I know we've said before, but when it comes to changing anything in your life, it's the awareness first that starts the process. If you find yourself at a point where you're like, you know what, I am sick and tired of constantly telling myself, I can't have this. I can't do this. I'm not enough. I'm too much even as another one, then this is where having the courage to say to yourself, I'm done with this. I'm going to find a new path. Besides having the awareness, I think what it really also starts with is finding what is going right in your life. We can focus so much on what is wrong or not just right. But starting with those little things like, okay, what is actually going right in this moment, when everything else seems to be falling apart? There's gotta be one thing. Can you find it? Can you identify it? That's where it starts.
Karrie: I love that. And [00:10:00] that relates so beautifully and leads so beautifully into what I wanted to talk about within the Enneagram framework when we're thinking of lack mindset. There are two types I'm going to talk about specifically today, but all nine types have this same sequence that I'm going to be talking about and probably can be related to a lack mindset. But for Types 5 and 6, particularly, the lack mindset is really obvious in what I'm going to speak about. So each type has a thought fixation that can get them feeling stuck. So for Type 5, their thought fixation is scarcity. This leads to their emotional passion, or sometimes it's called the vice or the core weakness of avarice or hoarding. But if they are able to recognize this in themselves and work through this limiting belief, they can access their essential quality, which for Type 5s is an inner knowing, an inner trust that they do have enough. They have enough energy, they have enough material possessions, et cetera. And [00:11:00] then that leads to their virtue, which is non attachment, non attachment to things. And then their virtue leads them to the payoff of practice, which for Type 5s is trust, which is like their ultimate place to be. So taking the same sequence for Type 6, their thought fixation is cowardice, which leads to their emotional passion or vice of anxiety. If they can overcome this and recognize this in themselves or just accept it in themselves, they can develop the essential quality of faith, which leads to their virtue of courage, which leads to their payoff of practice of confidence.
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Dominique: Now, question for you here, as a Type 9, we've talked a little bit about stress path and the healthy path. Is the 6 involved with the 9?
Karrie: Yes, it's your stress path.
Dominique: Because that sounded familiar.
Karrie: Yeah. That's the stress path. It's the type 9 stress path. So there might be some pieces of that that resonate for you as a Type 9.
Dominique: Yeah. Yep. As I was listening to you, I was like, wait a minute, that definitely resonated for me. From that Human Design lens when I think of just our desire to feel that we have enough or the challenge that we may be facing of feeling that, I always go to the Will Center and also the Sacral Center, but primarily the Will 'cause this is the center for resources, material, financial, everything within the material plane to make you feel stable and give you structure. But also this is the center for self worth and [00:13:00] value. The shadow side can be trying to prove oneself. And especially if this center is open, that can be a big challenge for me. It certainly has been in the past of feeling like I had to prove my worthiness by doing more, by giving more, giving more of myself specifically. So it's something where even if you have a defined Will, there is still this shadow aspect of not valuing yourself enough to say no when you really want to say no and also to rest. When someone has a defined Will Center, think of Tony Robbins. He has a defined Will Center. When you're in his energy and environment, I've heard people say this, that they feel like they're on top of the world and they can achieve anything and everything they want. But it's great. You can go go go push push push. You've got the energy available, however, if you don't value that energy enough and say okay, you know what now it's time for me to rest, [00:14:00] that is just as much of the shadow as an undefined Will, because you're not valuing your energy. With that open Will Center, you're not valuing who you are just as a human being. You don't have to prove anything about yourself. You were born with that worthiness and that enoughness. So I always love to look at the Will Center. Sacral Center, very similar, this is the work and life force energy. You and I, Karrie, have open Sacral Centers, so our energy is more finite. When it is empty, because we've already given enough, that's when we're susceptible at hitting burnout, if we don't know when enough is enough. We don't know when to stop, and it can be out of this fear based thinking as well. It's like, oh my gosh, if I don't do this, this might happen, or this person might be disappointed. And so we push and push and try to do and work instead of just saying, okay, what I put out was enough for right now. I can rest. So those two [00:15:00] centers are very much ones that pop out to me when I think of this enoughness wound that many of us, if not all of us, carry to some extent.
Karrie: I'm excited to talk about these ways that we believe are great to do in order to start believing you have enough, you are enough. I think even if one resonates with listeners out there, it'll be impactful and helpful to them in their lives.
Dominique: Yeah, absolutely. I already mentioned one of them, which is acknowledging the things that are going right in your life instead of following that cycle. It's putting a scratch in the record. It's like, okay, no, I am not going to start my day right off thinking about what I didn't do right, what I should have done, but starting off with like, what worked for me yesterday? What am I proud of doing yesterday? Whatever it might be, the smallest thing. What is one thing that you can just be [00:16:00] grateful for in that moment, that little glimmer to really bring you a bit of joy and comfort knowing that this is a possibility to feel more of this comfort and enjoy in yourself.
Karrie: Another one that is so helpful, and we've definitely talked about it in past episodes in regards to many different things is to challenge your own beliefs and ask yourself if what you are thinking or what you have been taught to think is true. It is a very powerful practice because so many of us, we're taught to be very inward and always taking everything from our own perspective, obviously. But we get in this pattern or this stuck feeling that everything we think and we experience and we believe is truth. And to some degree it is your truth because it's the life that you are leading, but it doesn't have to remain your truth. So starting to [00:17:00] question that is a way to maybe see where you believe something that isn't serving you any longer.
Dominique: When I use this practice within my own life, asking the question, is it true? It comes from Byron Katie, and we'll actually link that in the show notes. And she created this whole process of questioning, four step questioning process. I just thought it was absolutely brilliant, and that is what can really help to start shifting that mindset when you're just beginning the process of starting to believe that you are enough and you have enough. Another one that I really like is surrounding yourself with inspiring people. What that looks like for me is, for example, with you, Karrie. I choose to be in your presence because you inspire me. You make me feel good. I'm not even gonna say you make me feel good, cause you don't make me do anything. But I just feel good. I feel uplifted. I feel like I am following my path, my purpose [00:18:00] when around you. I, try to surround myself with individuals that bring that feeling into my life because there's so much negative energy out there right now, and it's really about protecting your own energy when you're doing this hard work of trying to shift your mindset.
Karrie: That's a big one, and it's one that can be really hard because we get stuck sort of in the same patterning of who we hang out with and who we give our energy to. And it can feel scary to try to grow and move beyond that because obviously we love people in our lives who maybe don't make us feel that way. And we're not saying to get rid of those people but to just increase the number of people in your life who do inspire you.
Dominique: Yes. Yeah, for sure.
Karrie: Um, another great one, which I think this is given out as advice a lot for a lot of different reasons, but it's because it is so powerful and it is something that really can change someone's perspective and [00:19:00] outlook and that is developing or cultivating some type of gratitude practice, whether it's through prayer, journaling, meditating, taking a walk, and just recounting all the things that you are grateful for even in the most difficult of times finding one thing to have gratitude for can shift the whole body into feeling calmer, feeling less stressed, feeling less anxiety. I know for me, if I'm feeling super stressed out, just like actually touching and petting my cat and just being really present with him and like seeing that he's in my life and how much he adds to my life and just having that gratitude for him can really ground me back down and release some of the stress I'm feeling.
Dominique: Yeah, exactly. And that's something that I have worked on throughout the years is cultivating my own gratitude practice. And I found this to be extremely challenging too, because I [00:20:00] had so much of that mental block around it. But I started to view it differently too, as the gratitude practice shifting me into a, place of love. And love for just everything outside of me, not just for myself, but my pets, my families, my experiences. And the first point that I had made of acknowledging the things that are right in your life, I see that as a little bit different because it's more of a cultivation of trust within yourself. Trust that, hey, I can do this. Hey, I already am on the right path. So I look at those two as strong components when you bring them together, where you're cultivating this trust within yourself and cultivating the love as well. Number five, which I definitely find to be probably the most challenging thing and why we wanted to put this on the list because, yes, it is one of the most challenging, but it is [00:21:00] one of the most impactful practices I have found within my coaching and even within my own life, which is to celebrate yourself. Celebrate the smallest of progress that you make as well. That might look like, Hey, I woke up this morning and didn't automatically reach for my phone. I actually decided I would sit and meditate for five minutes instead. So it's finding where are you being intentional? Where are you being successful in the intentions you're setting for yourself and learning to allow your light to shine. When was the last time we ever were told, Hey, you know what, you should celebrate yourself more. And I know for me, it's something where I was like, Oh, that's like egotistical. Isn't that making people think that I'm just vain and full of myself or whatever it might be. Not at all, because celebrating yourself only raises your vibration, and when people see that [00:22:00] this is a joyful thing to live more in this place of love, then they are also more likely to celebrate their selves for all of the little bit of goodness that they bring into the world.
Karrie: That's a really great one, and a really powerful thing to remember because we're definitely not taught to do this. We are taught to play it small, to downplay ourselves because we don't want to seem like we're bragging, and we don't want to make people uncomfortable. Like you said, that's just not the case, especially if you are doing it in an authentic way, and you're just so deeply happy and proud and joyful over whatever small thing you've done, no one's going to fault you for that. It's only going to create more connection, more inspiration for that other person.
Dominique: And it's something that you don't have to advertise. Right? You don't have to go and be like, I'm celebrating myself right now because I had a glass of water. It's not something that you have to advertise. And I think ultimately what we're [00:23:00] sharing here is the more you raise your energetic vibration, which we're all energy. Through this energy, it's where we create the life that we are desiring. If we are functioning at a very low frequency, then that's what we're going to be getting out of life. So if we can take these baby steps to identifying the beliefs that are making us feel a certain way, when in reality they're completely not true, or practicing gratitude to feel more love for ourselves and those around us, all of these things are bringing that energetic vibration up. And there's nothing else you have to do because by doing this for yourself, others are going to notice it, and you are giving others the permission that they maybe are looking for to be more okay with knowing like, hey, it's okay if I feel really good in my being. I want to feel what that is like more [00:24:00] often. And then they start to do the work. It's domino effect. When we're doing work within ourselves, it is a domino effect.
Karrie: Thank you for listening to this episode. Your support is so appreciated.
Dominique: If you'd like to have a question answered about your Human Design or Enneagram type in a future episode, you can submit it through the link in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.