A&A Ep. 95
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Karrie: [00:00:00] Welcome to Awakened and Alive After 40.
Dominique: If you're searching for inspiring and easy to apply Enneagram and Human Design content, then you've come to the right place. We're your hosts, Dominique
Karrie: and Karrie, two friends and coaches who are passionate about sharing our knowledge and insights on these two powerful self awareness systems to help you step outside the box and into a life that is true to who you really are.
Dominique: We're so grateful to have you here. Let's jump into today's episode. Hey friends, and welcome to Awakened and Alive After 40. We are going to be talking about finding the courage to follow your heart in this episode and the struggles that we can face when it comes to feeling that desire to follow your heart, but not knowing is this the right [00:01:00] thing? Am I really making the right decision? Do I really love this thing? We're gonna have some conversation here just to help bring a little bit of inspiration and maybe just new ways of thinking about what that even means. We talk about in some episodes defining what specific terms mean to you, like courage. This is one that I've worked on besides happiness and success. We're going to have some conversation here about why it can be a challenge and how we can work through that fear and challenge to live more authentically.
Karrie: I think so many of us out there have not followed our hearts at one point or another in our lives, and a lot of that has to do with just our own conditioning, our own upbringing, and having a fear of disappointing others. So if anyone in your life, as a child or a teenager, planted any thought in your mind about what success looks like and [00:02:00] it's not what your heart wants to do, it can be a real struggle to reconcile those two things and do you do what you have been told is the quote unquote right path or do you do what your heart is calling you to do?
Dominique: Yeah, absolutely. And I know so many of us grow up believing our caregivers, trusting our caregivers, and at certain ages, you don't question what they're telling you or teaching you because you see them as wanting your best interest. I can't tell you how many times I've come across people that I've worked with in physical therapy that said, I did this because my parents knew or said that this would be the best way for me to go. I would be successful. I'd be financially stable. But their heart is not fully in it when they actually desired to be an artist or something along the lines of what can be looked at by many as not fruitful when it comes to financial stability. Of course, [00:03:00] again, our caregivers, our parents, whomever, a lot of the times they just want the best for you, and they are going off of sometimes what they wish they would have chosen as well. That disappointment of others is a big one. Fear of failure is massive. I know for me that was a really big fear of mine. What if it doesn't work? What if I'm not good enough? I talk about it in other episodes too, that this is completely normal for us to feel this way because it's within our biology, desiring safety, security, this is all hardwired within each and every one of us.
Karrie: Fear of failure is so huge. I think a lot of us, when we don't want to look bad, that's our ego in charge because our ego doesn't want to look bad. And so our ego puts us in this protective mode and goes through all the things that won't work out or reasons why we shouldn't do it. Once we realize that and learn to step back and observe it, it can be a [00:04:00] little bit easier to work through, but it's still not easy because the fear of failure is very real. I mean, there is the protective mechanism at work, which is a survival mechanism.
Dominique: Yeah, for sure. And how about the fear of success? Right? Especially if we're talking about conditioned behaviors and what is familiar. So if we grew up in a state of lack or really struggling to be provided for, to have food on the table, new clothing, whatever it may be, if you really struggled with that, then that is what is familiar and safe, even though it's not something you maybe desire. And so if you try to create success, there's potentially a fear that can come with it because it is out of the norm. It is not familiar. You've never experienced that before. You know all about the opposite end, but what we don't know about, we fear. What we don't understand, we fear because it's unfamiliar. And again, [00:05:00] totally normal if this is something that you have ever experienced or are currently experiencing.
Karrie: I was talking to someone recently about this in a way, and this person had this realization that if they achieved everything they dreamed of and had this actual success, their definition of success, there was a fear that they were leaving their parents behind, like outgrowing their parents, moving beyond them, that they just realized. And that can happen for so many of us thinking, I won't be relatable or people will view me differently if I achieve this success.
Dominique: Yeah. So looking at and examining the stories that you're telling yourself about success or following your heart, like, what are you fearful of happening? What are you excited about happening? Like all of the different sides of things. One thing that I discovered for myself when I was questioning [00:06:00] why years ago it was hard for me to just like be led by my heart and follow what was truly lighting me up is a lack of clarity. There were so many thoughts, ideas, inspirations that I had. I didn't know where to start because I wasn't clear on what I was actually desiring. Discovering and going through my core values was one of the ways that brought me greater clarity to where I was going to be following the path, because there were so many things that were lighting me up.
Karrie: A lot of us also, I just think, haven't taken time or haven't done this inner work to really explore what our heart's desires are, and this can be for so many different reasons, one of them being just being conditioned to think this is the path and never questioning it. Or possibly just. living in a heightened sense of chaos or trauma most of your life and so you haven't had the privilege or [00:07:00] opportunity to really explore what your true dreams are and what your heart really wants. Taking that time to really examine, what does your heart want, what does your true self want to do or achieve, or how do you want to live in this life, can be a really powerful way to get better in touch with that side of yourself.
Dominique: For sure. And like you said, a lot of the times it's a struggle. How do you know where to start? It's daunting in a way because it's so big, the feeling of it. Getting quiet and sitting and listening. Sometimes and I've come to realize that it's not about doing anything specific. Oftentimes, it's about just being, being with the sensation, being with your thoughts on what it feels like in your body, what you dream of doing and just being, not trying to do anything specific to gain the [00:08:00] clarity or forward movement. One thing that I love so much about Human Design, especially when I was trying to get clear on what my heart was desiring and to better focus in was that learning about my design, it really empowered me because I knew who I really was. All the things that I felt were right for me, but the outside world was telling me no. I got confirmation where I was like, okay, so this way of feeling, this way of thinking, this way of seeing the world is my way and nobody else's way. And so once I learned who I really was by understanding my design, that really helped to guide me and minimize distractions as I was trying to find my path. And also getting to know your authority, which is that inner compass each one of us has. [00:09:00] And your authority is going to speak very different to you than it would to anyone else. There's not just the gut feeling that we often hear about, you know, oh, follow your gut, follow that feeling within your knowingness and like, okay, what is that? For me, I was like, uh, I don't know what this is. I don't get that sensation because that's not how my authority works. So the more you come to understand how your inner knowing speaks to you through understanding your body graph, that's another level of clarity that you can gain so you can start to really walk your own path.
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Karrie: Within the Enneagram framework, it can be very powerful in showing us why we may not be following our hearts' desires through understanding our Enneagram types' core fears and core weaknesses. So all nine types have distinct core fears, and these are the things that we unconsciously are trying to avoid throughout our lives. We're doing everything we can to avoid these fears, and that can be a very powerful reason why someone is not following their heart's desires and the path they truly want to be on. I'm not gonna go through all nine types' core fears, but Dominique, for you, you're Enneagram Type 9. Type 9 has a core fear of conflict, of being overlooked, of feeling dismissed or unaccepted. The person who leads with Type 9 is going to do everything they can to avoid this. That can look like people pleasing, not rocking the boat, [00:11:00] keeping their opinions to themselves because they want to avoid these core fears at all costs. And then couple that with the Enneagram Type 9's core weakness, which can be referred to as sleepwalking or sloth. They can just withdraw into their internal worlds and then it ends up looking like laziness because they are trying to avoid any kind of too muchness or conflict. They just want to sort of play it small to keep everyone around them happy. And until people see this in themselves, because people who do this generally, if they haven't done any level of self examination, don't even realize they're doing it. And that's true for all nine types with their core fears and core weaknesses. Until we have it pointed out to us, we are like completely blind to it.
Dominique: Exactly, because we only know what we know and we don't know what we don't know. That's you mentioning the 9, and I'm like, check, check, check. Like, yes, that was all of me. And I'm not going to say was because I [00:12:00] still go back and forth. I feel like we still bob in and out of those healthy and unhealthy sides, just like in Human Design. Same thing with the Enneagram. So that pulling inward where I'm just like, okay, I'm just going to say yes to everything and everyone, because I can't like, it's just too overwhelming for me. It's totally normal to kind of bob back and forth a little bit there. When we talk about finding the courage to follow your heart, one of the ways that could be really empowering and by no means is it anything you need because you already have everything you need in order to follow your heart. You don't need anyone else's permission, any other system or tool, another book to read, another course. You don't need any of it. However, if you are desiring some support, learning about your Enneagram, learning about your Human Design can help [00:13:00] you better understand who you are and the ways in which you could possibly be holding yourself back from following your own path. I think it's a powerful tool. These systems in general are powerful tools that could be of guidance and help. But again, it's not anything you absolutely need.
Karrie: Yeah, exactly. These tools help maybe shine a light on some things that you could easily discover without them, but they give a concrete framework to work within so people who like that structure or like a little bit of guidance, they can be really, really useful, but, Dominique, I loved what you said that you don't need these things. Everything you need is already within you, so please don't feel like we're telling you you have to utilize these things to better understand yourself because you don't. They just have been very helpful to us and so we like sharing about them. Another thing [00:14:00] to do or to think about when you're trying to discover more courage to follow your heart is to take time to get to know your heart and its desires. So we mentioned this a little bit earlier, but just taking that time to whatever modality you prefer, journaling, recording yourself talking, talking to a friend, daydreaming and just keeping it internal, but really thinking about and exploring what is your wildest dream for yourself?
Dominique: Yep, and allowing yourself to explore that because we're not human doings. We're human beings. We're not robots. We need to allow ourselves to stop, to pause, contemplate, dream. I love that you mentioned just slowing down, stopping and going into whatever modality it is that you desire to tap into that creative side of yourself. Another thing that I really love to do to gain [00:15:00] clarity is to find inspiration in the stories of those who you admire and look up to. We had an episode all about the people who are inspiring us right now between Karrie and myself, and it's not so you can compare yourself and be like, oh, okay, they've got it right. They're making this much money. I should probably do that. No, it has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with seeing that it's possible, whatever it is that you are dreaming of, seeing that it's possible and looking at what is it about those people that is really inspiring you? Like, is it the way they speak authentically? Is it the courage that is overwhelming from their presence? Look at it and see what it is. And that right there can give you tremendous clarity on what you are desiring, because ultimately when we are feeling like, at least for myself, I've noticed when I feel bitter towards someone [00:16:00] or jealous, more so jealous towards someone, it's because they have something and experience an energy about them that I desire. And I've had that before when I've looked at Instagram and have felt jealous or bitter. I'm like, oh, it's because this is the energy of freedom that I see in them, and that's what I want. I want flexibility and freedom. Find inspiration in the stories of the people that you admire. That could be extremely helpful.
Karrie: In order to help you process through some of these things, Dominique came up with some really nice clarity questions that you can ask yourself or think about and contemplate to yourself. And the first one she came up with is, what does courage mean to you and what does it look like? So getting interested in that, because courage is going to look different for all of us.
Dominique: Absolutely. Like, courage could be going and doing bungee jumping or rock climbing to one person. And then, like for me, [00:17:00] speaking on a stage, I would be terrified of. So courage for me might be like finding the courage to speak to a large group and share my voice. It's going to look very different. So getting clear on what is your definition, what does courage mean to you and what does it look like? Another question that is a really powerful one is who do you believe to be the embodiment of courage? It's kind of what I just spoke about. And this could be in your personal life, your professional life. It could be an author, a speaker, whoever it is. So who do you believe to be the embodiment of courage, and what is it about them that leads you to believe this? Super, super powerful. So again, it's all about gaining clarity on what courage might look like to you. Lastly, what would be different about your life if you were to find the courage to follow your heart? Write about what would you do. What would you be? What would you feel? What would you [00:18:00] experience? Who could you or would you become if you were to find the courage to follow your heart? And again, this is all about getting curious, not judging. If you don't feel you have courage, that's okay. Just sit with it and be curious. What if you had the courage and just let yourself dream about it. No judgment, simple dreaming and curiosity.
Karrie: Thank you for listening to this episode. Your support is so appreciated.
Dominique: If you'd like to have a question answered about your Human Design or Enneagram type in a future episode, you can submit it through the link in the show notes. We'd love to hear from [00:19:00] you.