A&A Ep. 82
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Karrie: [00:00:00] Welcome to Awakened and Alive After 40.
Dominique: If you're searching for inspiring and easy to apply Enneagram and Human Design content, then you've come to the right place. We're your hosts, Dominique
Karrie: and Karrie, two friends and coaches who are passionate about sharing our knowledge and insights on these two powerful self-awareness systems to help you step outside the box and into a life that is true to who you really are.
Dominique: We're so grateful to have you here. Let's jump into today's episode.
Karrie: Hello and welcome back to the Awakened and Alive After 40 podcast. I am Karrie and Dominique is here as well to talk today about a topic that is super interesting to us, and I think in this day and age, it will be interesting for a lot of our listeners out there as well. We [00:01:00] want to talk today about changing our minds, how most of us are running on a level of autopilot through our subconscious conditioning and the importance of recognizing that and if you so desire how powerful it can be to consciously decide you want to change your mind or that maybe the way you've always done things or always thought about things just doesn't feel right anymore. It doesn't align because of your own changes, your own evolution. I know that has been true for both Dominique and me in a variety of topics throughout our lives that we have discussed privately. And so we thought it would be an interesting thing to chat about today.
Dominique: Yeah, and the subconscious mind is one of my favorite topics to talk about, to study, because it was also my first introduction into, wait a minute, I'm the one that's in control of my life. You mean these [00:02:00] stories I've been telling myself, I can actually change them and rewrite them. It was specifically when I found the book, Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza. He talks a lot about how the subconscious mind works and functions. By no means is it easy to change your mind. I know it's something that I can certainly resist and take a little time in the process of making or writing new stories and working through beliefs. So I think this is something that all of us can really relate to at some point. There's times where we really want to change something and we have all the intentions to make improvements, but then we fall back into the same behaviors or the same thoughts. I'm excited today to talk a little bit more about why that actually happens too.
Karrie: It starts at a very young age, right? We talk in many of our episodes about how we [00:03:00] are all trained, conditioned, taught, there's many words. Some have negative connotations, some don't. And we're taught how to behave, how to think, how to act, what opinions to have, what opinions are quote unquote right and which ones are wrong in order to fit in with our own family or our own culture or society. Based on that our ego structure, our personality is formed, and our egos always want to be right. So it's really hard for us once that's solidified in us through our upbringing to look at other perspectives or allow other perspectives to sway us away from those conditioned ones because our egos are so identified with those opinions that we were taught to hold.
Dominique: Yeah I love that you mentioned the different terms we can use for conditioning. What I really enjoy is Dr. Bruce Lipton, who is one of my absolute favorite people in the world. He has done so much [00:04:00] study on beliefs and subconscious reprogramming. He likes to call it programmed, that we become programmed. And I love that because it's like a computer. When you turn a computer on, you've got the program settings, you're updating it, making sure it's running healthy, and that's kind of like what happens with our minds. You mentioned, Karrie, from birth to seven, this is when we are being programmed. The program that we're running is not our own creation, it is based off of other people's beliefs, thoughts, desires, dreams. That's why it becomes so hard for us to change our minds. It's kind of like when you learn how to ride a bike or drive a car, it's hard to unlearn it because you've repeated it for so long, and it just becomes second nature. You don't have to think about it and that's autopilot. You don't have to think about it often. But we end up living 95 percent of our lives from our [00:05:00] subconscious mind, and this is the habitual programming. When we come to understand that this is why it's so hard for us to change behaviors and thoughts and beliefs, that's one thing. But that doesn't mean it's impossible. Just as it was habit to create this program, it's habit to create a new one.
Karrie: And a lot of times, especially in our culture, in the United States, we feel like we need hard proof or evidence before we're willing to change our mind or open it to a different possibility because we are very science-based and factually driven. I think when we recognize that there is so much about everything that we don't understand about ourselves, about the human body, about the universe, about nature. There's so much we don't understand that it's such constricted thinking to think I won't change my mind until I have hard [00:06:00] evidence. Rather than allowing for open mindedness that there could be multiple possibilities or reasons or answers or pieces of evidence that could describe something. It allows just for a more elastic way of thinking rather than this rigid, fixed mindset that doesn't allow for any wiggle room of what we don't understand yet and what we are still learning about.
Dominique: Yeah. When you put it in that way, when you think about it, we fear what we don't understand, what we can't comprehend because it comes across as being potentially dangerous or unsafe. That's 100 percent natural, normal. That is part of being human. But again, once you have that awareness of I'm reacting this way, or I'm refusing to change my thoughts because I really don't know much about this, and it doesn't feel comfortable. [00:07:00] So let me just learn a little bit more, and then I can decide is this something that I agree with or don't agree with, instead of automatically kicking it to the curb. That's something I've noticed within myself, is just pausing when I feel a reaction to something that I'm unfamiliar with and recognizing it and saying, okay, I can keep myself open to hearing more, to learning more, to looking into it a little bit further. We're never going to understand things fully. There has to be some trust in knowing I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be safe if I allow myself to explore this a little bit more. To just come to the understanding that this, again, is how we grow and how we open ourselves up to deeper connection with others. When we allow ourselves to explore, this is where we get into our creativity, because the subconscious mind is that autopilot. And [00:08:00] so there's no growth when you just keep doing the same thing over and over and over, and you're bumping up against it. But if we can change that and say, no, I'm going to put a scratch in the record, and I'm going to allow myself to think of this thing this way instead. You're doing the opposite of what you would normally do, and that's when you can start stimulating creativity and learning new habits and ways of doing things.
Karrie: This made me think of a little bit of a silly example, but it's also a really tangible way if anyone out there wants to try an experiment of changing your mind about something. My whole life, I never liked oranges or orange juice or orange flavor. When I was in my mid-thirties, I'll say, I was like, I just wish I liked oranges. I think bringing a clementine in my lunch to work seems like such a great, easy thing to do, and it looks so fun to peel them. I just had all these sort of [00:09:00] outside reasons that I wanted to like oranges. So I was like, I'm just gonna make myself like oranges and orange flavor. So I just started buying clementines at the store, and I had read somewhere that if you expose yourself to a food you don't like ten times, you can change the way you taste it. I just forced myself to eat them, and I did not like them at first, but I kept trying and now I love orange flavor. I love orange juice. I eat oranges, because I decided that I wanted to change that, and I took the steps to do so.
Dominique: That is so funny because I did that with olives. I was always like, olives, they just look great. I want to like them. I see people having martinis with olives or in the salads with olives, For whatever reason, I was like, I want to like them. And I love olives now. So I did the same...
Karrie: Those are my number one favorite food.
Dominique: Oh, nice.
Karrie: I love olives.
Dominique: Yeah, I did the same exact thing.
Karrie: Just with exposure. And [00:10:00] that's like an easy tangible one. I say easy. It's not easy. I mean to decide to change anything is not easy. But it's one that has a physical component to it. If you can change your mindset about a food, because I think mindset determines a lot of our likes and dislikes with what we eat, you can change if you like that food or not. And that is how it is with anything out there that we're talking about today. In past episodes, I've talked about how I changed my relationship to sports. I had a really tangible experience when I was in college of realizing that the whole way I had been raised politically and taught politics from my family and my extended family did not align with what I actually believed. So I sat and I really struggled with it, but I really was like, I have to be authentic to myself and politically I have to go with what I feel is right for me, not what I was taught by my family. And that was a big eye-opening moment for me as a young adult to [00:11:00] realize something I was taught by everyone in my life who I love doesn't align with my own value system.
Dominique: Yep. That's how I was with the thought of spirituality actually, because I went to a private Christian school from kindergarten to 12th grade, pretty much most of my life. It was a Christian school, and I had Bible class every week, chapel, all that stuff. My family was not religious. We didn't go to church or anything like that, but something about it just did not sit well for me. I would hear the words that people would speak, and then I would see their actions. For me, I was not happy with a lot of the actions that I thought was very hypocritical. And I know this is not across the board. By no means am I bashing Christianity or any religion, because I came to discover that I was really sour and turned off when I [00:12:00] heard about spirituality, because in my mind that was connected in some way to religion, cause again, the language I had heard. When I was being taught, there was right way, wrong way to do things and to believe things. And then it wasn't until I recognized if I was asked by a friend about spirituality, that I would feel triggered. I didn't understand it. And I had to at that point, pause and take a look at that and come to the understanding that that's because I experienced this for so many years of my life and it wasn't the best experience for me, so let me explore and see what it really means. Like what does religion mean to me? What does spirituality mean to me? I don't believe that one religion is the right one. I believe that everybody should have their own way of worshipping, of praying, of being a better person in whatever way they possibly can. So believe what you want to believe, just be a [00:13:00] good human being. Come from a place of love. And that's what I always felt, but I was told that was wrong. When I came to realize that, I was like, wait a minute, okay, nope, I get to create a new belief around it, a new practice around it as well. And it started off with recognizing that this term was triggering for me and identifying why that really was. It came from, again, those first few years of my life.
Karrie: I'm curious how Human Design knowledge can play into us understanding this better about ourselves or maybe helping us understand why it's harder for us to change our mind or to not change our mind.
Dominique: The big theme that I think of in Human Design is one of the energy centers called the Ajna, and it's second from the top. And this is where if we are defined, we can be more fixed in our thinking and our beliefs. So this is where we're conceptualizing, we're [00:14:00] processing inspiration and thoughts and beliefs. But when it's defined, we have constant access to the center. We're not as impacted by the world outside of us, so we can be more stuck in our ways, if you want to put it that way. With an opened Ajna, the benefit of that is that you are very fluid in you're thinking. You can see all sides. You're very open minded. With that, that's where you gain so much wisdom about all the different sides that there are to beliefs and thoughts and ways of doing things and not so black and white. If we're living from that shadow with a defined Ajna, then it can be harder for us to change our minds or to be open to other people's thoughts and beliefs and just hearing from all ends. The Ajna is something that you and I have defined. I don't know if that resonates at all [00:15:00] with you. I feel like for myself, I've mostly been open minded. I'm willing to hear anybody's thoughts on things. From what I remember, I don't remember me ever being like hard cut off on being open minded with my defined Ajna.
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Karrie: It's interesting to layer the two systems. Your type, Type 9, in the Enneagram framework is very open minded. So Type 9s tend to be the most open minded and accepting types. I'm a Type 1, which tend to [00:16:00] be the most rigid and black and white thinking types. So I had to work to become open minded and learning about my Enneagram type really helped me do this, because it showed me where I was so constricted and rigid in my thinking and just always assuming my thinking was correct. Learning that about myself and shining that light on an aspect of myself I didn't like seeing, really helped me understand how I could cultivate an openness towards others' opinions and see differing perspectives, even when I thought I was completely against it.
Dominique: Yeah, that's fascinating. You bring this up and now I'm just thinking, you have a couple of gates highlighted in your Ajna that can indicate some resistance to different ideas from variety of ideas or fear around thinking a certain way because of it not being accepted. [00:17:00] Whereas for myself, I have the gate of ideas in my Ajna, and so it is meant to pull in tons of inspiration. That gate connects to another one, which creates a major theme in my life, which is all about curiosity and seeking knowledge but not necessarily needing to arrive at some concrete idea. It's just being a constant seeker. So that's really interesting you brought that up, and I just thought about it, how the gates that are highlighted in our chart add an extra little bit of flavoring to how our centers function as well as what you mentioned with the Enneagram knowledge.
Karrie: We are always loving how these systems, when used together, bring even greater awareness because each system brings its own pieces of knowledge that are super useful for understanding ourselves and our loved ones better. We also wanted to talk a little bit about [00:18:00] some ideas on how to go about changing your mind or creating more of an open minded attitude about things.
Dominique: So what steps have you taken for your self, Karrie, or that you would like to share with the listeners?
Karrie: One of the big ones for me personally, and I think some people will probably relate to this. Anyone out there who is an Enneagram Type 1 will probably definitely relate to it, and it relates to what I said earlier. Really for me, noticing when I had very binary thinking in terms of right, wrong, black, or white and not allowing for a fluidity or a gray area to exist. I think when we have rigid, set ideas or opinions about something, that is a great area to start to explore a little bit more deeply, and to just get curious about and try to understand yourself and your opinion and why you may have it, but then also look at the opposite side [00:19:00] of that topic and why people who believe the opposite may believe it or have that idea. In my growth work, I have really I've tried to cultivate more of this living in the gray area type of thinking because it's really uncomfortable for me because I was so binary in my thinking for almost all of my life.
Dominique: Yeah, that's great. For myself, the big one is really becoming aware, of course, that's always the first step to changing anything is the awareness and the willingness. So not only do you have to be aware that, Hey, I'm running from my subconscious programming right now, and it's just not serving me anymore, but I can change that. Great. Are you willing to do the work? Because again, it's habitual. It's something that is going to require repetition. What I love from Dr. Bruce Lipton, when he teaches on subconscious reprogramming, there's three ways that he talks [00:20:00] about to reprogram your subconscious mind. The first one is hypnosis, which is something when we talk about the programming that happens 0 to 7, that's because the brainwaves are at a specific level, and it's the level of hypnosis. That's why it's so easy for us to take in so much information. It's the same exact thing even now, and there's so many different audios out there on YouTube. I know Dr. Joe Dispenza has some audio available too, where I will put my earbuds in at night and listen to a subconscious reprogramming audio and fall asleep. That's when we enter into this brainwave pattern. I believe it's called Theta, and this is where we're opening up our subconscious mind to the reprogramming. Another way, like I mentioned, repetition to create the habit. So for you, Karrie, it was trying the orange. For me, it was trying the olive and [00:21:00] even repetition and me recognizing, I'm willing to do this thing, that's where you start to create a new habit. The third one is what Dr. Lipton calls energy psychology. A couple of things it includes is EFT, which is known as tapping. It's emotional freedom technique. And EMDR, which is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. So those two modalities are considered energy psychologies that help to reprogram the subconscious mind as well.
Karrie: Those are amazing tips and ideas to look further into. Another one that sounds a little bit mundane because we hear this all the time, but it can really have a powerful impact if we start to practice it is to expose ourselves to other perspectives through friends, through the content you consume. The algorithm has really corralled us into only [00:22:00] seeing content that agrees with what we agree with, and that can become really dangerous because we lose sight of the other perspectives out there when we're on social media. So, actively cultivating your social media or your social circle to include differing opinions from your own can be really helpful in just exposing yourself to a broader range of ideas, rather than living in a little cultivated bubble of just everything you already believe in and always getting that biofeedback that everyone agrees with you, which can be really unhealthy because then it can be really jarring when someone doesn't agree with us or when we don't agree with someone else.
Dominique: Absolutely, and I love that you put it as an exposure. If we're choosing to expose ourselves, then it brings us into that sense of control in a way, instead of it falling on us and being shocking. With that exposure, it's [00:23:00] also like what is one small thing, because exposure is oftentimes very scary and too shocking if we go for something really big and out of our comfort zone. So what is one small thing that you could do maybe today to expose yourself to being more open minded about any topic that speaks to you right now? Just start with that one small thing, repeat it, and you'll be amazed at just how much your thoughts, beliefs, and ideas can change within a short amount of time.
Karrie: Another important thing to mention, which it's kind of funny that we haven't mentioned it yet because we love talking about this in nearly every episode, is to get really clear on your own core values. Not the values of your parents, or your caregivers, or your family, or your siblings, or your partner, or society. What are your core values? What are your opinions and beliefs? And do [00:24:00] they align with your core values? Sometimes it's really jarring to realize they don't because your opinions and beliefs are still operating from that conditioned space, and you realize, wow, my opinion doesn't align with my value, so what's going to give here? And that's what happened to me when I was a young adult with politics, because I knew what my core values were. I hadn't done core value work consciously, but I knew in myself what I believed, and then I was like, but this doesn't align with the opinions I was taught to have. And so something's got to change, and I chose to change the opinion rather than the core value, which is probably the way most of us would decide to make the change because our core values are so innate to who we are.
Dominique: Yeah. That's beautiful. I love it. Yep. Identify core values. Get curious. Come from a place of curiosity. It's so easy for us to fall into judgment when we deal with all of these [00:25:00] opinions that come our way throughout life. Just simply allowing curiosity to enter into the picture and coming from a place of love, I think is another powerful way to open our minds up to change.
Karrie: Thank you for listening to this episode. Your support is so appreciated.
Dominique: If you'd like to have a question answered about your Human Design or Enneagram type in a future episode, you can submit it through the link in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.
