A&A Ep. 76
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Karrie: [00:00:00] Welcome to Awakened and Alive After 40.
Dominique: If you're searching for inspiring and easy to apply Enneagram and Human Design content, then you've come to the right place. We're your hosts, Dominique
Karrie: and Karrie. Two friends and coaches who are passionate about sharing our knowledge and insights on these two powerful self awareness systems to help you step outside the box and into a life that is true to who you really are.
Dominique: We're so grateful to have you here. Let's jump into today's episode.
Karrie: Hello and welcome back to the Awakened and Alive After 40 podcast. We are so appreciative to have everyone here who is listening to this episode. We think this episode is something that most everyone is going to be able to relate to because the way our society functions nowadays, [00:01:00] we have more choice in our day to day lives than we as humans have ever had before throughout history. We live in a time of great abundance and when it comes down to the most mundane aspects of life, we have a plethora of choices. This amount of choice, we can get a little bit lost in it because it feels normal to us. But it also can take a lot of our energy, our time, our brain capacity, our mental capacity, and those drain us. So today in our conversation, we just wanted to talk a little bit about this idea of how this abundance of choice is impacting us and our society, and some ways to reduce or change the amount of impact that we are dealing with on a day to day basis for our own good.
Dominique: Yeah, it's interesting because I never really thought about this as a [00:02:00] problem per se for myself until I was diagnosed with ADHD, and one of my big struggles was making decisions. There were some other reasons why, but when I had too many options, too many choices, that was a major, major struggle for me. So I was reading up about it a few years ago and saw it termed as choice overload and read about the downside of having too many options. It is a beautiful thing, of course, to have these options if they are available to you. For some people, it's a privilege to have options for sure. However, just our technology, Karrie, like it is booming and growing so quickly, more quickly than humans are evolving, and it is so much stress to our systems. Mental stress, nervous system stress. So this is really, I think, a great topic to bring more awareness to because I'm sure that I'm [00:03:00] not the only one, you're not the only one, that really struggles with this choice overload. We've talked about consumerism before, and I think it's something to really link together here.
Karrie: The whole idea for this topic came up because I was chatting with one of my good friends, and she said, we have too much choice. So we got talking about this and I asked her what made her say that. And she said that she spent like two hours on Amazon looking for a bathroom trash can.
Dominique: Oh my gosh.
Karrie: Because she said there were hundreds of options and then you can read all the opinions on every option versus you go to Target or Walmart or some store and you maybe have five choices. But now we have this abundance of choice in every product we want to bring into our lives, whether it's clothing, makeup, skin care, furniture, and it can be really overwhelming. We might have an idea of exactly what we want and then we [00:04:00] can't find it and we keep searching and searching and searching or we have no idea what we want and then we find all these options that could work and it's hard for us to narrow it down.
Dominique: You know what my big problem is, is I'll go in with this idea of what I want, and then I see all the options and I'm like, ooh, maybe this will be better. Then I just go down the rabbit hole. Does that happen to you?
Karrie: Yes, but I think because I usually tend to know exactly what I want, so then I'm kind of the type of person who can't find it because I've created an idea in my head of something that probably doesn't exist. And I'm like, but I want it this exact way. Then I keep searching and searching and searching and I can't find the exact one. So I always have to make concessions and get one that's close enough. Whereas I feel like if I had a more open mind, I could get lost down that rabbit hole of like, Ooh, this one's great or this one's great.
Dominique: It's interesting you mentioned this. I'll just jump into it here because I wanted to share about the Ajna Center [00:05:00] in Human Design. You have a defined Ajna, I have a defined Ajna. This is one of the awareness centers in the body graph. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, head down below in the show notes. You can grab your free Human Design chart, and you're looking at the second from the top. It's one of the nine centers in the body. The second from the top is the Ajna. This is where you have processing information and conceptualizing. If it's defined, colored in, then you are one who is most likely very strong in your ideas, your beliefs, your processing of information. So you mentioning that when you have an idea of what you like and what you want, you're very firm with it, and you can just really focus in on that and not get as easily swayed or distracted, that's what it sounds like, when you have all the other options [00:06:00] in front of you. Now, whether it's defined or undefined, there's always conditioning that we carry. If it's undefined, then you're typically someone who can be more open to seeing many different possibilities and options. So maybe you could be more easily swayed by a lot of options and making decisions, but that's not necessarily always the case. I have a defined Ajna. I have a hard time making decisions. That's because of other reasons within my conditioning and also other areas highlighted in my chart. But I think the Ajna Center is a really great one to bring up when it comes to why do I process things the way I do? One of the questions you can ask yourself, if you're wondering, maybe you might be coming from a place of conditioning, you can ask yourself for the Ajna, am I feeling pressure to be certain? If you're feeling this pressure, then that can indicate you're coming from a place of conditioned belief, external [00:07:00] expectations, possibly. So it's really interesting that you mentioned that if you get that idea and you're like, nope, that's what I want, you stick to it.
Karrie: That is really interesting, and I hadn't thought of it from that perspective because, as you know, usually I come more from the Enneagram perspective, and my type, Type 1s tend to idealize everything and want things a certain way and when they aren't that way they can feel really frustrated. So I have really tried to check myself, but I do remember times as a teenager having an idea of like this coat I wanted, but my brain just thought of it. I never saw this coat anywhere. I kept telling my mom, I want this coat and I described it to her. And she's like, this coat does not exist. And I had to really learn to try not to do that, because it really can be debilitating with never feeling really satisfied if you aren't getting anything you want, because what you want doesn't exist.
Dominique: Absolutely. And with a defined Ajna, you could still look at that as [00:08:00] potential conditioning where you're not being flexible with your thinking. We are meant to be flexible and to see variety in different sides and not so concrete and stuck in our ways. That's where, whether it's defined or undefined, there can be conditioning, but I think it's just a beautiful center to be aware of in general. When it comes to the downsides of having too many choices, I'm curious to hear some of your, thoughts on this, Karrie, because I made a list of this a little while ago when I was looking at my own struggles with choices. For me, one of the big ones was the fallacy of control. I noticed that with myself, I was like, if I have more options, then I will be able to do more with my life and have more control over my experiences and what I create. Wow. That could not be further from the truth. And of course, decision fatigue, a big, [00:09:00] big, big one for me.
Karrie: Decision fatigue is huge, and I think it's something that we all have as part of our lives, and a lot of us are probably really unaware of the toll it's taking on us day to day. My partner has always been really aware of decision fatigue, and he really tries to take it out of his life when possible. He's one of these people who has a very limited number of t shirts and a very limited number of pants and they all match and he just rotates them. He never chooses what he wears each day. He just picks the next thing in the rotation.
Dominique: Cool!
Karrie: The next pair of pants and the next shirt and he just wears that.
Dominique: Wow. That's kind of genius.
Karrie: It's a little bit like a capsule wardrobe if anyone knows about that. So that's like just a decision he's taken out of his life. Whereas I open my closet or my drawers, and I stare at what's the best thing to wear for the weather and for how I'm feeling and for who I'm seeing. I create all these decisions with such a simple act of getting dressed in the morning. So anytime we can [00:10:00] reduce those, when it feels good, if you love putting an outfit together, and you love fashion, then of course, reducing the decision fatigue around what you wear is not going to make your life better. But if you hate picking out your clothes in the morning or the night before, then it might be a great idea to find a way to make that decision quicker and easier.
Dominique: Yeah. I love that. Wow. I love that he has created this routine out of it. That's one thing that I did start to do is I really dwindled down my closet and I found a color palette that was very consistent so I can mix and match a lot of different things and not have to think so much about, like you were saying, what am I going to wear today and for the weather and all that kind of stuff. I found that just simplifying was a big one for me. Also going back to Human Design lens, looking at our strategy and authority can make massive improvements within our lives and [00:11:00] our decision-making process because our strategy is the way we take action in the world, and our authority complements strategy. It's that inner knowing. By following these two elements of your design, you're really making decisions based off of what is right and aligned for you and not allowing external sources to run the show and clutter up your mind so much. When we talk about strategy for Projectors, that's waiting for recognition and being invited to share our thoughts, our information, our knowingness. But how do you know if an invitation is right for you? Or if you're a Generator and you're responding to something in your outer world, how do you know if that is right for you? That's when you look at your authority. That's that complement, which is that deeper inner knowing. For you, Karrie, we've [00:12:00] talked about, you have an emotional authority, so it's going to be over time really sitting with this invitation that you received, feeling it out. Is it right for you? Is it feeling good? Then making your decision over a particular period of time. It could be a day. It could be a few days. If you're a Generator and you have a sacral authority, that's going to be in the moment. So if you're responding to something in your outer environment and in the moment, you're like, hmm, okay. Uh huh. Yeah, I like that or mmmm nah-uh that doesn't really do much for me. There's your answer right there. If this decision is right or not right for you. There's many different varieties of authority and we can totally get into that on another episode, but you can find this information, again, if you download your chart. There's a link down below for a free download for your chart. Then you'll be able to have an idea of what your [00:13:00] particular strategy and authority is. It's unique to you. That is how you can make aligned decisions for your energy, for what you are here to do. It can be the small decisions and the big ones. big life-changing decisions.
Karrie: Hey there friend. Have you signed up for the Awakened and Alive newsletter yet? If not, we want to invite you to get on the list so you don't miss out on the exciting new offerings we have planned for 2024.
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Karrie: And I think this is a really important point to make because through our conditioning, we are all taught that there's one way to make decisions. There's one way to know if something is right for you. We're [00:14:00] not even really taught this. We just sort of learn it through observation and modeling from people in our lives. If you have parents or caregivers who make a lot of decisions based on fear versus people who take more risks in life, that's probably going to shape how you make decisions. But that might not be what's best aligned for you. It's one of the foundational pieces of Human Design and a lot of people overlook it, but it's probably the two most powerful pieces and the two pieces that if you're gonna take any interest in Human Design, but you feel too overwhelmed to look at the whole system, just looking at these two pieces for yourself and learning how to implement these, you'd probably see the biggest changes happen in your life due to that.
Dominique: Yep, absolutely. I personally think that it can just, again, be too overwhelming with too many decisions and too much to learn about where then, like for myself, when I first started studying Human Design, I put [00:15:00] it aside because I was like, wow, this is too much. I feel overwhelmed. Then you're less likely to want to do the thing or to look into it. And like you said, yes, strategy and authority are key elements to living a life that's more authentic and aligned to what you want to create, to your needs, to what is gonna lead to you living a healthier and more fulfilled life as well. I like that you bring that up, Karrie, just the importance of that. When it comes to the Enneagram you mentioned your partner having an easier time making decisions. Now I believe he's an 8. Is he?
Karrie: Yes.
Dominique: Yeah. Okay. Are there any other types that have an easier time with decisions or even a more difficult time?
Karrie: It's interesting because we talk a lot on the podcast about the different groupings of three within the Enneagram system. The three triadic groupings, there is one that sort of talks about this whole idea [00:16:00] of how do I go about getting my needs met, achieving goals, looking at goals, and that is called the Hornavian triad or commonly referred to as the Stances within the Enneagram framework. There are two Stances, which are two separate groupings of three that probably have a little bit more of a difficult time making decisions. That is the Dependent Stance, which is comprised of Types 1, 2, and 6, and the Withdrawn Stance, which is comprised of Types 4, 5, and 9. So Dominique, that's us.
Dominique: We're the opposites here, huh?
Karrie: We are both in these Stances, but both of these stances probably struggle making some choices. And the reason the Dependent Stance might struggle with this is because these Enneagram types tend to look outside of themselves in order to get their needs met. They compare themselves to others or they compare themselves to a set of societal standards or rules they've learned. It really can be helpful and a [00:17:00] form of growth for them to learn to offer themselves this approval that they're longing for. Looking inside themselves to make decisions. And this is where Human Design can layer really beautifully on top of the Enneagram because if you see in yourself, if you're part of this Stance, that you really do look outside of yourself to make decisions, learning your strategy and authority can give you a road map on how to trust yourself and make decisions for yourself without needing to look outside of yourself. For the Withdrawn Stance, Types 4, 5, and 9, they may struggle with decision making because they need significant processing time compared to the other types, they feel really overwhelmed by the faster pace of other people's decisions and so they can become paralyzed because they feel a pressure is being put upon them to make a decision quicker than feels natural for them. For them, growth looks like asking for help or support when needed, because they tend to withdraw in themselves when they make decisions, rather than they could really benefit from [00:18:00] asking for that help if they are struggling in making a decision.
Dominique: Yeah. That feels familiar for me, for sure. And being a mental authority, that's also an authority that requires time and processing and it requires soundboarding off of trusted people, being able to talk through decisions to know what is right for me. So that's fascinating where it is a longer process and I do need the help of others in order to really come to the decision of what is right for me. Not because I'm looking for answers from someone else, but I just need that assistance, that energy from others.
Karrie: It gives you that processing space, which if you only were functioning within the confines of your Enneagram type, your egoic structure, then you would completely just withdraw and that goes against your entire design, which is I'm meant [00:19:00] to process aloud, like you said, with a trusted person, not because they're going to tell me what to do, but because I'm going to hear everything I'm saying and that's going to help me process more efficiently and come to my decision.
Dominique: Yeah, yeah, beautiful layering there. I absolutely love it.
Karrie: And you mentioned my partner who's an 8. He is in the grouping that might be a little bit better or efficient at making decisions or choices than the other two groups, and this is the Aggressive or Assertive Stance. This is Types 3, 7, and 8. They just tend to actively pursue what they want in life. They push through feelings and emotions in order to accomplish everything they want so those types of things don't hold them back. But for them, growth can look like slowing down, taking the time to actually consider their own and other people's needs, perspectives, feelings when they are making these decisions because that can sometimes be off their radar, which can cause a whole other host of problems.
Dominique: [00:20:00] That's fascinating. I love that. Now, if you're someone who doesn't know your Human Design or Enneagram type, don't worry, we're going to share right now some strategies with you for just everyday life. How to overcome the process of excessive choice, decision fatigue, and really be able to make more clear and aligned decisions for yourself. One of the strategies that I really enjoy is looking at prioritizing what truly matters. You can go into identifying your core values. We have a whole episode about that, and that's for me the starting point with everything in life is what are my core values because from that place of knowingness, I can make decisions. that are going to lead to a fulfilling and meaningful life. It's something that I start even with my [00:21:00] coaching clients, I start having them identify core values as that base, that foundation for better decision making.
Karrie: That's a great one, and I think that's the best piece of foundational advice. A piece of sort of everyday practical advice that I have found has helped me in my decision fatigue and reducing the amount of unnecessary choice in my life is to consciously limit my options. I don't need to see all the choices that exist. That could look like if I'm using Amazon, really refining my search to be within really strict parameters and not continually scrolling and looking at the next page and the next set of options. Or when possible, and this is a personal choice I've decided to make, I'm not saying everyone should do this, but I try to limit when I use Amazon. I really try to use Amazon as a last resort. When possible, I still try to in person shop because it just naturally [00:22:00] limits the amount of choice I have. Sometimes Amazon is the quickest, most efficient, best way to do things, and of course I still use it. But I do try to use stores when possible just because I know they'll have the product but they'll only have a select number of choices of it.
Dominique: That's a really great strategy. I enjoy that a lot, especially because where I live in Maine, it's very distant from even the local Target. It's over an hour away for me. I have a few close by stores and, yes, I may be paying a little bit more for the item, if it's a mom and pop store, but this is when I look at what truly matters to me. I want to contribute to the community. I feel good about giving my money to a store that is family run, and if it has that product, it's okay if I do that every now and then and not worry quite as much about how [00:23:00] much money I can save or finding a cheaper option. I also look at that too, when it comes to buying at a store. I love that you bring that up, Karrie, because that just struck the chord for me where it's something I can feel good about and it does definitely help with the decision fatigue.
Karrie: And it aligns with your core values.
Dominique: Yes, exactly. So I feel good about myself on top of having fewer options to choose from. When I do come across an item like, Amazon we'll go with again. I will limit myself to searching only the first page because you know how you can like click for the next page with things or just keep scrolling and scrolling. I'll limit myself to that first page and then just look at two options from there. I'll pick two and then go from there and leave it at that because yeah, like your friend, I could spend a very long time on Amazon with all of the possibilities for the one item that I'm looking for. It's just [00:24:00] unnecessary.
Karrie: Another good strategy in that direction is if you are going to use Amazon or some other search method that has tons and tons and tons of options is setting a time limit for yourself. So setting a timer on your phone, I only have 10 minutes to give to this task, and by the end of 10 minutes, I need to have made the decision. And that's it, because that can really help limit you and putting a realistic amount of time, how much time do I want to give away to searching for a trash can for my bathroom.
Dominique: Yeah, cause it is creating unnecessary overwhelm and mental anxiety. Who needs that extra stuff in their life? It really does start with having the awareness and the consciousness of this is disrupting my life. My challenge with making decisions is disrupting because I am constantly looking for more and more options. Is that really necessary? No. [00:25:00] Absolutely not. Not from what we have to choose from nowadays. It really is prioritizing what truly matters, having conscious awareness of that possibly being a struggle for you. So, like your partner tweaking his wardrobe and how he makes decisions to what he's wearing from day to day or creating a capsule wardrobe. There's so many options for creating fewer options, and that's something not to get stuck in. But to realize that there's just no need for all that we are striving for with possibilities and the options that we're seeking from day to day. One of the final ones I'll share for strategies is what I mentioned earlier is experimenting with your own strategy and authority for a few weeks, just giving it a test drive. If you do know your strategy and authority, then [00:26:00] making little notes day to day on how you feel about making decisions based off of that. It's an experiment. If you don't like it, then don't do it after a couple of weeks, but at least give it a good try to see if you feel any better and more confident in how you're making decisions for yourself.
Karrie: There's nothing to lose really, and just see if anything feels different or if your life changes in some way. Exactly. Get curious. Try something new because when we break those old patterns that we've gotten so ingrained to follow that we're not even thinking about them, that is when real change can start to happen for us.
Karrie: Thank you for listening to this episode. Your support is so appreciated.
Dominique: If you'd like to have a question answered about your Human Design or Enneagram type in a future episode, you can submit it through the link in the show notes. We'd love to hear from [00:27:00] you.
