A&A Ep. 75
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Karrie: [00:00:00] Welcome to Awakened and Alive After 40.
Dominique: If you're searching for inspiring and easy to apply Enneagram and Human Design content, then you've come to the right place. We're your hosts, Dominique
Karrie: and Karrie. Two friends and coaches who are passionate about sharing our knowledge and insights on these two powerful self awareness systems to help you step outside the box and into a life that is true to who you really are.
Dominique: We're so grateful to have you here. Let's jump into today's episode. Hey there, friend, welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining us on the Awakened and Alive After 40, podcast, great big welcome to you, so happy to have you here. In today's episode, we're going to be talking about eight ways to start recognizing your worth. I think it's safe to say that the majority [00:01:00] of us have struggled with this at some point in our life. It's one of those areas, self worth in general, that I find is one of the key areas of life to really focus on because it guides so much of our actions and what we decide to do in our everyday lives based off of how we feel we're being perceived or we're belonging to a certain society or group, community, then there's a lot that goes into having powerful self worth in order to feel like you fit in, in order to make good, clear decisions for yourself. It's something that can be hard to really get a grasp on. How do you improve your self worth? How do you start to recognize your value and worth within yourself instead of looking outside of you? So this is something that I think is going to be a great [00:02:00] topic for us to cover. Karrie, I love talking about self worth and value with you, and because we are both Projectors, this is something that is, I'm not going to say a weak point for Projectors, but it comes up for most of the Projector energy types. It's because we tend to be more of the guides, be more of the support for the community and individuals. It's something that I know I've worked on a lot. How about yourself, when it comes to worth and value, how's that played out in your life? I'm curious.
Karrie: Yeah, definitely being a Projector opened my eyes, I think, to some of the struggles I wasn't aware of in this area, and it shined a light on them for me, which was really helpful, and one of the things that I really appreciate about discovering Human Design and what it has taught me about myself. Particularly I think Projectors are [00:03:00] sort of infamous for living outside of their aligned design. And what I mean by that is that in our society we are really conditioned that hard work creates our own value and the more we produce or the more we achieve in terms of career or financial success really determines how valued we are. And for a lot of Projectors, we fall into that trap and we work and work and work and then eventually reach burnout or we just are really unhappy or feel like something's off in our life. That's because we are living so far outside of what would be true alignment for us. So realizing that and really trying to disconnect my inherent self worth from my productivity and my career has been a big theme in my life recently. I'm still in the process of it because it's really hard to disconnect that when you've been so taught to believe it.
Dominique: Yeah, [00:04:00] absolutely. And of course, this goes for all of the energy types when we're talking about Human Design, but more specifically right now, Projectors, as we're discussing this, because we're also the type that can be more prone to conditioning, because we focus so much on the other. We have the strong desire to help and give to others, support others. This is where it can be a little bit of a trap for us. When I think of my own past, when it comes to the healthcare field and why I got into it, a lot of it was around my love for helping others. But a lot of that was because it gave me a sense of worthiness. It gave me a sense of purpose. That's where, as time went by, I came to realize that I was giving and caring so much for others because I was trying fill a little bit of a hole within myself. I [00:05:00] still love giving and caring for others to this day, but having that awareness of the deeper why behind it, at least in the past, was a big aha moment for me. A big reason why I hit burnout very quickly. I actually hit burnout at the age of 28 and it was just five years after I graduated and started working as a physical therapy assistant. My body had to tell me in some form that it needed attention, because I was not caring for myself the way I was caring for others. It was based off of me needing to prove my worthiness in some way. I love that you and I have talked about this one coach named Peter Crone and we listened to an episode that he did on Jenna Zoë's podcast, and he had this amazing point that he put across. [00:06:00] He was referring to when you look at a baby are you questioning that baby's worth and value? Are you looking at it and being like, it's just laying there. It laughs sometimes, it cries sometimes, it eats, it sleeps. Is it worthy of my love? What is it doing for me? No, you don't do that. Who has ever looked at a baby and questioned its value or worth?
Karrie: Yeah, we put so much worth on babies. Babies have some of the greatest worth in our communities.
Dominique: Yeah. Then you flip it around and it's like, why would I look at myself as needing to prove my worthiness? When a baby enters this world, it is instantly worthy and of value because it exists, because they were born. That's exactly how it is still to this day, us being adults, but we lose that connection. We lose that memory of our worth as the years go by, as we are conditioned by caregivers, [00:07:00] by friends and schools and everything else, and we morph who we are in order to fit in, or because of language telling us what is worthy, what is not worthy, just by receiving feedback or validation from other people. That language then leads us to believe our worth or lack thereof, which is another fascinating thing to me, when you put language to something, the way it changes. I think it was Peter Crone that was also talking about the moment you say, good job, or, oh, that's not good enough, it totally changes someone's questioning of who they are just by that feedback.
Karrie: Yeah, because that starts teaching kids at a really young age that love and self worth are conditional upon something else, upon meeting someone else's expectations or society's expectations or whoever, whatever it [00:08:00] may be. That is when we all, at a young age, start molding ourselves. to meet those expectations in order to get that approval or love in order to have our own self worth.
Dominique: Yeah, it's wild how we're the only mammals that question our worthiness. You look at nature and are the wolves and bears questioning their worth. No, they are going through life, living it as nature intended it to be. I just think it is fascinating that because we have language, and we can question it and we can really put thought to things, that is beautiful, yes. But wow, can it really cause a lot of damage to our sense of self worth and value? It just is something that amazes me every single day as I see this playing out with friends or family. Ultimately the key [00:09:00] here that I'm definitely trying to get across is that you are worthy because you exist. Period. This then leads us into what are some ways to start recognizing our worth? I want to hear from you, Karrie, with the Enneagram, if there's any types that might struggle with this sense of worth or value?
Karrie: I think this is a human thing, so I decided to tackle this topic through the lens of the Enneagram in a bit of a different way, because I think the Enneagram, from one perspective, some people might see it as a little bit negative, from the human bias point of view, because it does point out a lot of each ego structure or personality structures' flaws and where you hang yourself up and you need to get past these, more quote unquote negative conditioned patterns. But there are some parts of the [00:10:00] Enneagram, which I don't think I touch upon as much, that are really positive. So I wanted to point some of those out for the types and where each type might really be able to shine, because that might help someone out there, if they know their type, cultivate that sense of self worth through noticing this about themselves a little bit more. Because for some reason for most of us, I think it's a lot easier to believe all the negative stuff that we've created about ourselves, the stories we've written about ourselves, than it is about all of the positive, great things about us. Part of that's our conditioning, that we're taught to be modest and not be arrogant or conceited and to cover up some of those things that maybe make us shine or that we know are great about us. In the Enneagram system, we call these the virtues of each type. And if someone really cultivates and practices this virtue, it can lead to a payoff of some [00:11:00] sort. The virtue is like the light side of the vice or the core weakness that I've talked about in past episodes, which is the shadow side of each virtue. So it's really interesting when we look at all three of these in a spectrum. But I'm just going to talk about the positive aspects today. For Type 1, the virtue is serenity. So if they can cultivate this sense of serenity in them, the payoff can lead to patience, which is what Type 1s can struggle with a lot of times. So cultivating patience is what can elevate this type into a higher frequency or however you want to call it, just noticing this about themselves. For Type 2, their virtue is humility and the payoff becomes self respect. For Type 3, their virtue is hope and this can lead to authenticity. For Type 4, it's equanimity, and it leads to a sense of inner calm. For Type 5, their virtue is non-attachment, which leads them to trusting more. For Type 6, the virtue is [00:12:00] courage, and it leads to confidence. For Type 7, their virtue is sobriety, and this isn't just talking about alcohol, how we normally associate the word, but because their vice is gluttony, like not overindulging in things in life, which leads them to a sense of groundedness. For Type 8, their virtue is innocence, which can lead them to a generosity of spirit. And for Type 9, which Dominique is your type, the virtue is right action. Type 9s can really get stuck in non-action, so the virtue is right action, which can lead to vitality.
Dominique: I can't tell you how much that hits home for me. Absolutely does, especially being diagnosed with ADHD on top of that, and the struggle with vitality burnout, for sure, as I've tried to juggle many different things and lose focus in the past. That's fascinating.
Karrie: So these are maybe some parts of ourselves that if you know your Enneagram type, [00:13:00] you don't recognize as being a part of you that is so important and leads to your sense of self worth and it's to be celebrated. Obviously, like Human Design, we always say you have the whole chart. You also have all the Enneagram types in you. So you, to be a full human, we want to cultivate all of these things, but the one that aligns with our type is really where we can see our growth work because it shines the light on our shadow.
Dominique: Wow. Yeah, that's beautiful. As I think about vitality, that leads me into sharing about Human Design and a lot of different areas in the chart can show someone's potential struggle with self worth. But one of the key areas is one of the centers, the Will Center, also known as the Ego. This is an energy center that manages resources. So how are you going to make money? How are you going to provide for the tribe, in other [00:14:00] words? Willpower sits here. Self worth and self value also is huge in this center. No matter if it's defined or opened, this is a struggle for most people from what I have seen, with all the charts that I've looked at, if it is defined, then you have a little bit more energy to push through. So a little bit more willpower to really push through, get the work done, put the hard work into it. However, because you can push through, it's crucial that you find periods of rest as well, because then it starts this vicious cycle of well, I can do it, so I might as well do it and maybe I'll be able to receive the attention that I desire or to give to others and feel better about myself. This is the theme for both, whether it's defined or undefined, it's are you trying to prove your worth or value in some way? And this is the question that you can ask [00:15:00] yourself with this center to give you more clarity on whether you're living it in the high expression or low expression. Of course, if you're feeling that you need to do something to push through things in order to prove your value, then that's your cue to look within and get curious about why that might be. The Will Center also a biological connection is the stomach, the cardiovascular system, so the heart, the gallbladder, and the thymus. So oftentimes someone can present with having some disturbance in the stomach or digestive system or within the cardiovascular system if they are really trying to push and prove their worthiness or feel a lack of worthiness. That's something that can just give you more clues if you have some sort of physical manifestation coming up. Really, the key here is follow your strategy [00:16:00] and your authority. The strategy is what helps you take aligned action. For us as Projectors, Karrie, we've got the waiting for recognition and the invitation. Then the authority is that extra layer where it's that inner knowing if something is right for you. So if we follow that, whether it's defined or undefined, then we're using our energy properly. We're not potentially pushing through and reaching burnout or pushing to prove ourselves. If it feels good by taking the time and going through the process of strategy and authority, then it is aligned for you. You're going to have the energy to really put out there in a healthy, aligned way. Ultimately the key to healthy sense of self worth, according to Human Design, is sustaining your energy, and a lot of the times that is through rest. You do not earn rest. It's not something that is to be earned or to be striving for. You [00:17:00] deserve it because you are here. That's a really crucial thing for many of us to realize that it's not something we earn. It is something that we need to be scheduling into our routines regularly. It doesn't have to be like taking a full hour nap or two hour nap, but how can you just turn the mind off, get into your body, allow for a little bit of rest and recovery for that sustainable energy. That's where if your energy is solid, then your sense of self worth will also be at a much healthier level.
Karrie: That is so true. It's one of the most important things that I think a lot of us are in the process of learning right now. And it's something I think past generations never did learn or weren't able to cultivate in their lives because of just the world they lived in and the conditioning they lived under. I hear people talking about rest as being so important, and I hope that that's a message [00:18:00] that becomes more mainstream and more practiced by every human.
Dominique: Yeah, absolutely. So as far as the eight action steps that you can start taking today to begin recognizing your worth, the one that I always like to start with whenever I'm trying to help someone gain more awareness is to examine your beliefs. What belief do you have around rest or your own worthiness and value? Identifying what the belief is and questioning it, questioning it out of not judgment, just simple wanting to understand and asking yourself, is this true? So, if you have a belief that rest means you're lazy, is that true? Can you prove, 100 percent proof, that that is true? No. How many people rest? How many successful individuals really implement rest into their [00:19:00] schedules in order to maintain that sustainable energy so that they can continue building the life that they desire? And same thing with self care, a lot of individuals, unfortunately, I've heard a lot of women in my life mention that they feel selfish when they are taking the time to care for themselves. So self care equals selfishness in their minds with this belief. Is that true? If you care for yourself, so you're filling your cup, is it true that it's selfish because for me, it allows me to give more to others the way they deserve to receive from me. So examine your beliefs and ask, is this true?
Karrie: And I think a really important side note to this tip is to examine your belief about yourself because especially as women, we can be so supportive and we can believe so deeply that our friends and people in our lives deserve these things. Like, [00:20:00] yeah, you need to rest. And then we don't practice that for ourselves. We don't believe it for our own worth, but we believe it for everyone else's. I've caught myself doing this. I was working with a business coach who pointed this out to me, because I was celebrating her when she told me she worked about 18 hours a week. And then we were talking about my ideal work schedule and it was like jam packed and she said, why don't you think you deserve to work 18 hours a week as well? You were so celebratory for me doing it. And it really opened my eyes that I can't have these two separate set of expectations for others and then I don't have those same beliefs for myself.
Dominique: Right. Yeah. That's fascinating. And second point here about getting curious of why you felt that way? In your case, Karrie, why did you feel that way about your friend and not yourself? So second point here, get curious about it. How would you show [00:21:00] up for a friend or a loved one if they were in this place of expressing their lack of worth? Would you sit there and be like, ah, yeah, you're right. You definitely aren't worthy enough for rest or to go on vacation or for your dream job, your dream schedule. No. You would sit there and you would encourage them to continue trusting in themselves, believing in themselves and taking care of themselves in order to find the growth that they desire. So why is that any different for someone else than for you? So get curious about that and maybe look at it as if you were talking to somebody in your shoes. What would you say? And maybe listen to that for yourself.
Karrie: And going along with that, another tip that you have talked about in the past, Dominique, that I think is really lovely, is talking to and connecting with, maybe putting a [00:22:00] picture of yourself as a child somewhere that you look at every day on a mirror or where you get ready, and looking at that child's complete value, complete inherent worth and giving that same value to the adult version. And really valuing yourself the same way that that baby or that little girl or that little boy was valued.
Dominique: Yeah, that's why I really love the whole younger self picture. I do this regularly for myself and when it came to working on my own worthiness and value, I always like to pick a picture that's like between the age of five and seven. Again, this is usually when we're being programmed and looking at that picture and just looking at how worthy that child is in that picture and was at that time. If maybe something comes up for you and you think like, man, I didn't feel worthy. [00:23:00] Well, what was it that you could have used then? What did you need? Did you need to feel seen? Did you need to feel heard or just simply loved? Well, give that to that child right now as your older, wiser self, because that is really taking place within the body. It doesn't matter that the past is done. If you are looking at this picture and you're feeling that lack of worthiness, then give to that child right there, as you're looking in the mirror, that sense of being seen, heard, or loved. And it's going to feel really strange at first, but just like anything else, repetition is going to allow it to feel much more familiar and you're creating a new emotion out of it. A new sense of I can give myself what it is that I needed then, and I can do the same for myself right now.
Karrie: Hey there, friend. Have you signed up for the Awakened and Alive newsletter yet? If [00:24:00] not, we want to invite you to get on the list so you don't miss out on the exciting new offerings we have planned for 2024.
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Karrie: Something that I know a lot of people stick their nose up at, and maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but something that I find at least comforting, if not incredibly helpful, is repeating either to yourself or aloud affirmations that are in support of your self worth, such as, I am worthy of love. I am worthy of abundance. I am worthy of support. Doing this can rewire the neural pathways in your brain. When you really start believing these things. that you are worthy of these things, it can change the whole [00:25:00] trajectory of your life.
Dominique: Absolutely. I love that you bring this up, Karrie, with the affirming truth because I think it works out even better in this case when we're first examining our beliefs and coming to the realization that this isn't true. Then as we start to identify what our truth really is, then we're affirming it, we're more likely to be open to accepting that as our new truth. Because a lot of the times, people can say, okay, yep, I'm worthy of love. I'm abundant, this and that. But they didn't yet look at what stories they hold about worthiness, about abundance, success. If these stories are disempowering, then it's going to take a lot more work in order to really feel into the emotions and your ability with doing affirmations like this. So I love that you bring that up. And that was point number four. So we had [00:26:00] first examine your beliefs. Second, get curious and examine how you would show up for a friend or a loved one that was in the same place. Then three, put a picture of yourself, younger self on the bathroom mirror. We just mentioned four about repeating to yourself affirmations and just really showing confirmation of your value and worthiness. And then I love number five here because it's something that I've had conversation about with a friend, and it's accept compliments from others rather than finding a way to deflect them or push them off. How often do we get stuck in that oh, thanks, but it's really not that big of a deal. If you're like, Oh, you look great today. Oh, I do really. Uh, I don't know. I didn't do my hair. It's like just instead of beating around the bush or trying to figure out a way to deflect, just simply saying, thank [00:27:00] you. I really appreciate that. But it's a hard thing to do, right?
Karrie: It's really hard and we're conditioned not to do it because again, we think it will make us look conceited or egotistical and it won't. Like really take in that compliment. It makes the person giving the compliment feel better too because you're not contradicting what they said to you.
Dominique: Absolutely. Especially if someone just wants to give you love and this sense of joy and caring, and then you're telling them no. Ultimately, that's what it comes across as when you are poo pooing their compliment towards you. So, see if you can start taking small little steps towards accepting compliments from others. Number six, we have to contemplate or journal about the things that you love about yourself. This is another thing that can be really challenging at first, but there is something that you really enjoy about yourself or love about yourself, even if it's just one [00:28:00] thing that you write down. Maybe if journaling about it seems too much, maybe make a list of your talents. What are you talented at? What are the things that you're good at? What are things that people often come to you for help with or to answer their questions about different things. So contemplating and making a list or journaling about the things you love about yourself, your talents, and the things that you're good at.
Karrie: Another one is, and this one can be maybe the hardest one for a lot of people to do because we're not really taught to do this in our society, and that is to spend time alone with yourself. And I have in quotations here, I think I've mentioned it before, time hanging out with your soul.
Dominique: I love that.
Karrie: Like just being quiet, no screens, no distractions, no social media, no reading, no watching anything. Just getting to know your true inner self, whether it's through meditation or whether it's [00:29:00] sitting outside in nature or in a place you love, and just being with yourself and feeling the discomforts that may come up with this and the distractions your mind will try to employ to get you to not connect inwardly. It's very typical. It happens to all of us. Just notice that. Again, no judgment. Even if it's for 30 seconds or one minute, I mean, we can literally do this anywhere. It doesn't have to be this extended amount of time, but just taking that time to value yourself enough to give yourself time with yourself. There's a lot of yourselves in that statement. It can make a huge difference, just learning to value your own company.
Dominique: Yep, and I love that you mentioned it doesn't have to be a huge chunk of time. It can be a minute, two minutes, three minutes. The whole purpose of it is you're putting a scratch in the record. You're disrupting a pattern, a way of doing something, and you're introducing a new way. [00:30:00] This new way of simply checking in with yourself and examining what you need right then. What are you feeling? That is just tremendous when it comes to building that muscle of self awareness and of putting oneself in a place of care. When we're busy caring for others during the day, we need to allow time to check in with ourselves to make sure that we're still in our own good place. Lastly, eight, which I think is one of the most challenging parts, at least for me, it was in the past, how do you want to celebrate yourself today? Finding one small way to celebrate yourself. It doesn't have to be a daily basis if this is brand new to you. I know I tried daily and it was just too much for me in the beginning. So I told myself, twice a week I am going to celebrate myself and my accomplishments, [00:31:00] no matter how small they were and build that up. Now I have it as a regular routine of celebrating myself some way each day. Sometimes it is simply taking a bubble bath and really just getting in that relaxation mode, if I am just super proud of myself for holding it together during a very stressful day. It doesn't have to be anything big. It could be you writing a note to yourself like you would to a loved one or a friend congratulating them or just expressing your gratitude but doing it for yourself. So finding these small ways that we can celebrate the progress that we're making in life, the growth that we're striving for, the way we show up for others, but also ourselves is so powerful.[00:32:00]
Karrie: Thank you for listening to this episode. Your support is so appreciated.
Dominique: If you'd like to have a question answered about your Human Design or Enneagram type in a future episode, you can submit it through the link in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.
