A&A Ep. 74
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Karrie: [00:00:00] Welcome to Awakened and Alive After 40.
Dominique: If you're searching for inspiring and easy to apply Enneagram and Human Design content, then you've come to the right place. We're your hosts, Dominique
Karrie: and Karrie. Two friends and coaches who are passionate about sharing our knowledge and insights on these two powerful self awareness systems to help you step outside the box and into a life that is true to who you really are.
Dominique: We're so grateful to have you here. Let's jump into today's episode.
Karrie: Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Awakened and Alive After 40 podcast. Dominique and I are so grateful to have anyone out there who's listening to this episode here with us today, because we are talking about emotions, and how for some of us, most of us, I [00:01:00] think, there are times when our emotions can really be impacted by things outside of us, things that we actually have no control over whatsoever. And it can feel really dysregulating when you get into a heightened emotional state, whether it's quote unquote traditionally positive emotions or more negative emotions, and it can really make us feel out of control of ourselves. So we wanted to talk a little bit about that today, especially bringing in an interesting layer of the whole conversation, which is related to Human Design. That is because I have a defined emotional solar plexus, which Dominique will explain in detail what that means. And she has an undefined emotional solar plexus, which makes us react or process emotions very differently. So we have two differing perspectives today that we think [00:02:00] are going to lend some interesting insights into this topic.
Dominique: Yeah, and if you are wondering, what are we talking about with the emotional solar plexus definition, you can grab your free chart by clicking below in the show notes and see for yourself whether you are defined or open.
Karrie: For me, I have this definition of my emotions. I have very easy access to my emotions. And they arise within me internally, generally. Do I always have control over them? No. But for me, when something outside of me impacts my emotions, I'm usually a little bit surprised, because usually it's my internal self creating these emotions. I don't really know how to put it into words, but a good example is, I grew up in a very sports-centered family in terms of watching [00:03:00] sports. We didn't play them. So I always allowed the outcome of my team's winning or losing to really impact my emotional state. If they won, I was super pumped and excited, and if they lost, I could be really sad and practically depressed for days.
Dominique: I don't mean to laugh at it.
Karrie: Like, you would think I had a death in the family or something. I wouldn't want to go to school or work. I did not like that feeling. So when I moved abroad, I made a conscious decision that I wanted to disconnect emotionally from sports. And I did, because once you're not living around that, it's really easy to just forget about it and it's not as important to you any longer. So now, I can say I don't feel that emotional attachment to the outcome of certain games or certain teams winning or losing. Sometimes I still like watching some professional or collegiate sports just because I like watching the sport itself, but I have disconnected from [00:04:00] that emotional connection that I used to have that was so dysregulating for me.
Dominique: That's really fascinating, and I'm sure a lot of people out there, especially in America, can relate to what you're saying, Karrie, with the attachment to the sports teams and attachment to outcomes. That's super natural and normal for us as human beings. When I think about the challenges of, I'd call it emotional hijacking, when it comes to the outside world, it really is about attachment and also that sense of belonging, if especially with the sports teams, have this community connection to it, there's a lot of emotion that is going on behind the scenes for sure. But I think that it's also important to recognize that we have often grown up with the judgment behind emotions or learning to judge our [00:05:00] emotions because of how we saw our caregivers respond to our emotions or friends would say certain things like, oh, come on, you're so emotional. Why is this such a deal? Or for me, it was like, do you have any emotions? Why don't you say anything or share anything beyond neutrality. And that's where, when we start to judge the way we feel about certain things, then that's a whole nother layer of challenge behind it. What I really love about the Human Design lens is that it teaches us how to not fear or judge our emotions, but to accept them as just energy. And energy that brings a lot of creativity with these waves that we can feel, especially with the defined emotional solar plexus. That is something where you're going to feel more waves of emotions, and it's in those waves that you can [00:06:00] really just tap into your creativity and a lot of the gifts that we all naturally carry.
Karrie: That's really interesting because the conditioning around not having certain reactions or we shouldn't show certain emotions is so real for all of us, I believe. I think the more that we are learning about how detrimental it can be to our physical health suppressing many of these emotions, that more of us are learning the importance of not burying these types of things inside of us.
Dominique: Yeah, absolutely. Also when it comes to the stronger emotions, I mean, of course, like you shared, Karrie, you've got the sadness of a team losing. That certainly can be a very uncomfortable emotion. But when we have stronger emotions that come into play, like if we're having challenging conversations with a loved one or a friend, and something in that conversation triggers us coming to the [00:07:00] realization that there's the part of the brain that shuts off that processes thinking and being able to really reason, that gets shut off because the amygdala, which is kind of like the smoke alarm of the system, turns on and it's looking for ways to protect you. And that's survival-based, so there is no thinking, processing involved when we are triggered. A lot of the way around it is not to talk your way out of it because if you're triggered, you're probably going to say something you don't want to say. It's really about taking a pause and trying to get back into your body. And when it comes to the emotional hijacking that can happen to us, and this is something that it's going to happen to us no matter what, I always stress to clients and even patients that I work with in the clinic that it's all about just taking that pause and recognizing that your survival mode is [00:08:00] on right now, and it's really about coming back into the body when we are feeling hijacked.
Karrie: And it's also related to the whole idea of surrender and I'm not well-versed in Stoic philosophy, but I know the basics of it, that basically whatever happens, happens. We can only control how we react to what happens. We can't control the outside, external things that are happening all around us, and our emotional state is, to some extent, able to be controlled, but like we were saying, it shouldn't be suppressed. And we should recognize that our reactions to things are in proportion to the importance of that thing in our life. So for me, at that time in my life, sports, like you said, was really important. It gave me a sense of community. I had a lot of friends and family members who we bonded over this. But [00:09:00] I started realizing that my reactions to something so mundane in the grand scheme of my life, I didn't like that feeling. So you have the power within your own mental state or your own emotional state to take control over these types of things.
Dominique: So it sounds like you identified the trigger and really when we are able to take that pause and think about what are the things that trigger me and to just really come at it from a lens of curiosity and recognizing that I really don't like this, so what do I want to do instead? That's why it's just so powerful to pause when we are in this place of feeling emotionally hijacked, taking that pause, and I even beforehand purposefully for myself sat down and identified by thinking about past conversations or [00:10:00] past events that really made me feel out of control with my emotions, I sat down and identified what was it about that, that triggered me? And it came up to about three things that I saw I was frequently being triggered by. Then from there, I was able to ask myself how do I want to respond versus react? How can I address this story or this belief that keeps coming up for me? That again, going back to the power of simply just pausing, having the awareness of it and being able to recognize that it's an emotion, it's energy, it's not saying that you're a bad person or that you are doing a bad thing by responding this way. But you have choice, you have the power to change that and that's the beauty behind it.
Karrie: When looking at the Enneagram system, this was a piece that also really gave me [00:11:00] some insight into myself because one of those groupings of three that I talk about a lot of the times on the podcast, this is one of the Hornevian Triads, also called the Stances, and it's called the Dependent Stance. Sometimes it's also referred to as the Compliant Types. These three types, which are Types 1, 2, and 6 tend to look outside of themselves or compare themselves to others to know how well they're doing or to get their needs met. For me, I'm a Type 1. Type 1s tend to compare themselves to a set of standards or their own ideas of what's good enough, and so they're always asking themselves, how good am I? How well am I doing? And they're comparing themselves in that way against some standard they've set in their own mind. For type 2, they are asking themselves, How loved am I? How much do I matter to others? Type 2 sort of has [00:12:00] a double whammy because they are a Dependent Type, and they're also in the Heart Center, so they do really care what people think of them. They're dependent on others loving them and they really care what others are thinking of them and their own image. Then for Type 6, the third type in the Dependent Stance, they are asking, How safe am I? How safe is my environment? Am I close enough to others? Do I have enough support to make me feel secure? So that is how they are sort of comparing where they're at in order to get their security and safety needs met. When I realized this piece of my own type about myself, it really resonated and made me pause to reflect on how much I actually have done this in my life. And again, like we were saying, and we say, very regularly, having that awareness is the first step, because once you become aware of your pattern, you can choose to try something different. You can [00:13:00] choose to think about it a different way or to find a different way to move forward, rather than comparing myself to a set of standards, just moving forward and doing the thing with no comparison. Or don't think that you can only bond with this person over a shared love of a team, because that's not necessarily true. Again, these self awareness systems that Dominique and I tend to talk about on the podcast give us so much insight into ourselves, and that is why we love talking about these things.
Dominique: Yeah, it's like you're no longer a victim of your experiences, of your circumstances because we have full choice. And it sounds like with the Type 1, 2 and 6 that you just spoke about, Karrie, that these types may have more of a challenge with emotional hijacking because of those needs that they tend to hold. Is that right?
Karrie: I would say in general, [00:14:00] yes, just because of this dependency on other things, people, standards, expectations outside of themselves as they're measuring stick as to how well they're doing or how safe they are or how loved they are rather than cultivating that in an internal way for themselves.
Dominique: Which is such a hard thing, it really is for us to be able to fully trust in ourselves, believe ourselves, love ourselves. But ultimately I firmly believe just from my own experience and what I've seen through working with clients is that when we are seeking outside of ourselves to feel worthy, to feel safe, to feel loved, then that's a giving over of our power and reliance on someone or something outside of us that we have no control over. And when I thought of it that way, that scared me. I was like, I know what I would do. So maybe I need to start [00:15:00] giving this to myself instead, because I know how I want things to be done or how I want to be treated. So it really is something to give some good thought about. When it comes to the Human Design lens, like we talked about in the very beginning and emotional hijacking, the emotional solar plexus, which is one of the nine centers. It's also one of the three awareness centers. This is where emotional and spiritual awareness is located. This is where moods and sensitivity and creativity is sourced. When you have it defined, you have consistent energy to these areas. So Karrie has a defined emotional solar plexus. She has her own sense of emotions internally. Maybe she will wake up one day and feel in the best mood ever, and then the [00:16:00] next day in a horrible mood, and she doesn't know why but just feels it deeply. That's okay. That's just the wave. That's how it can happen, and anyone who's emotionally defined can have these days where they wake up like, what the hell just happened? Yesterday was a great day. What happened for today to be absolutely awful right from the get go. We can often get stuck in that judgment like, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just snap out of it? When in reality, again, it's energy. It's just simply energy that needs to be moved through the body. That's something that can be very beautiful for emotionally defined individuals because there's a lot of creativity that comes from that energy in this center. When you have an open emotional solar plexus or undefined like myself, you have the tendency to absorb other people's energy from the center and [00:17:00] amplify it. So if, I'm going to go with an example of you again, Karrie. If Karrie is in a super great mood one day and I'm connected with her, I will absorb that good mood and amplify it. So I can actually feel even more excited or in a much more positive mood than what she might be feeling because of that amplification. But of course the opposite is true. If you are in a mood where you're just feeling a little bit more down on your wave, then it's something that I will absolutely notice and pick up. But here's the kicker. When you have an open emotional solar plexus, it is your responsibility to use it as wisdom about emotions, to be a screen not a sponge, to recognize that the emotions that you're feeling aren't yours to hold on to, that they are being absorbed from others around you. Even the transits [00:18:00] impact the emotional awareness that an open center might have. It's all about being wise about this energy. When there's the openness there, you could easily be someone who tries to avoid conflict, who becomes a people pleaser, who is constantly trying to avoid walking on eggshells. This is something that I did for most of my life. So when I think about emotional hijacking, and Karrie's example about sports, for me, I was like, that was kind of everything. It was every person, conversation, every event, because I felt so deeply all of the emotions around me. But I was at the extreme where I would shut down because it was too overwhelming. And that can be a common thing, they can be shut down or they can be the ones that are overly emotional, even though that's not a negative thing, but they can be perceived as overly emotional because it is just so [00:19:00] much on their system. So it's something where I have had to work very, very hard, and I continue to on a regular basis because I feel so deeply into other people's emotional states. Having the wisdom that I have now knowing I can feel this, I can allow it to be, but it's not mine. I'll experience it for a little bit and then let it go. That's why it's just so important also on the other end, as someone who has a defined emotional solar plexus to be aware of how powerful your emotional state is to others. Fifty percent of the population is undefined. So you're impacting up to 50 percent of the world through your emotional state. So it's also being cautious with it and recognizing that your emotions are going to greatly impact those around you.
Karrie: I think that's an important thing to remember for all of us, [00:20:00] but especially understanding better that I have a defined emotional center within my Human Design chart and how that can impact other people. We can't understand how each other feels, so I don't know how it would feel to be undefined because I can be around emotional people and not absorb their emotional state as much as Dominique would. Sometimes it wouldn't even occur to most people who have the defined emotional solar plexus to not maybe dump their emotions on other people.
Dominique: Yeah.
Karrie: Because for us, like, I don't know. I just wouldn't feel like I would absorb anyone else's emotions.
Dominique: So I'm curious here just to hear from you, Karrie, how would you describe your emotional definition. I gave the example of how you could wake up one morning, be great and the next morning, not great, and there's just so much variation that is present, but like if you had to explain it somehow... Cause I know for me, I wake up the [00:21:00] same every single morning, Hi. Okay. I'm here.
Karrie: Oh, wow.
Dominique: And it's not until I get out into the world around people that I start to feel tremendous shifts in my emotional state. That's what really got me in trouble with my nervous system in the past because the emotional solar plexus is connected to the nervous system. That's something that gave me tremendous challenge was to keep myself regulated because I was always feeling somebody else's emotions and being thrown off by it. But for you having that definition, you've mentioned that you don't really get thrown off by other people's emotions quite as much. But...
Karrie: But I definitely don't wake up feeling the same every day. That's wild to hear.
Dominique: Yeah!
Karrie: Like I can just wake up and be like, Oh man, I am not feeling it today. I am just not wanting to talk to anyone. I'm not wanting to be around anyone and nothing has happened in the day. I've literally gotten out of bed [00:22:00] and that's it. So that's really really interesting. But understanding also, this is way too complicated and we could do a whole other episode on this, which would probably be really interesting, but that depending on the gates that you have defined coming outside of your emotional solar plexus can give you more insight into the types of emotional waves you'll have. And I've always seen myself as a pretty even keeled person and I'm not super moody, and that is the type of emotional wave that I have in my chart.
Dominique: You have the more subtle.
Karrie: It's pretty calm. Yeah, it's pretty subtle and so I have never seen myself as a very moody person but I also think I was conditioned to really keep my emotions in check.
Dominique: Mm. That's a big part of it too, conditioning behind that. Overall, don't judge it. Don't criticize yourself for any of the emotions that might be coming up. Of course, that's always easier said [00:23:00] than done. So if we look at some ways that you can really have better control over your emotional state by minimizing the potential of emotional hijacking, what do you have in mind for our listeners, Karrie, as a tip that they might be able to put into place?
Karrie: Hey there, friend. Have you signed up for the Awakened and Alive newsletter yet? If not, we want to invite you to get on the list so you don't miss out on the exciting new offerings we have planned for 2024.
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Karrie: The first thing I wanted to say, which I think is the most important thing to keep in mind, is you have to want to make this change. If you are going along [00:24:00] in life, and you are content, and joyful, and happy, and you love feeling the wave of emotions, even if it's something outside of yourself impacting it, then keep going. Don't worry about trying to make any changes. But for me, I did not like feeling a loss of sovereignty over my internal state because of how a sporting event played out. That started feeling very uncomfortable to me. So I made the conscious decision that I want to break this connection to this thing outside of myself, and so that was step one for me, deciding I want to do this, what can I do moving forward to do that? For me, that was the most important step, but like I said, if you don't want to make that change, then disregard anything else we're gonna say.
Dominique: I think that's beautiful though, that everything starts with awareness. It really, really does. And with your awareness, you came to the conclusion you didn't like how this [00:25:00] thing was impacting your emotional state. And that goes off of what I shared a little bit ago about being aware of your triggers without judgment. This is something that is best done beforehand, not when you're in the moment. Like I mentioned, I took conscious effort into identifying my triggers beforehand, because I wanted to have and feel more control over my emotional state. So sitting down and maybe recalling a time, not a horrible time where you were extremely triggered, but a time where you felt like a little ruffled up and sit with it and identify, what was I feeling at the time there and going into even, what was the sensation? Maybe you had a sensation in your body at the time that you remember, or as you are recounting that in your current state, maybe then you're feeling it in your body. That's the whole process of [00:26:00] getting back into your body because you're not going to be able to think your way out of being in a moment of feeling triggered,. That's going to be a really important part with just the no judgment, get curious about why you're feeling triggered, and then see if you can identify, where in my body am I maybe feeling this? For me, it was my throat. I would feel a lot of pressure in my throat, almost like it was shutting down. And it literally was because I was shutting my voice off to not rock the boat or to anger anyone. Besides just becoming aware of the triggers themselves, if you are in the moment feeling something heightened, break space. We call it breaking auric space because our auras, our energy, really feeds off each other and those that we're around. So if you find yourself getting a little ruffled, break space for 15 [00:27:00] minutes. Go outside, get into another room, just excuse yourself, say, I'm sorry, but I really need to take a moment to decompress or whatever it might be, so that way you can come back into thinking more clearly instead of the part of your brain that just triggers the fight or flight response.
Karrie: And after you do that, maybe that would be enough for you to feel like you have gained a sense of control and you can still be around the thing, the external factor that was creating an emotional state within yourself that you weren't wanting. But for me personally, it really worked to just stop being around the thing, so to stop watching sports. This isn't going to be possible in every scenario. So as best you can, stop exposing yourself to the thing that is creating these emotional triggers in you. If that's not possible, then the tips Dominique [00:28:00] just gave are a great way to take breaks or to create that emotional separation when needed. If you are able to stop associating with the thing, then take some time, a set amount of time away from it, whatever feels good to you. Maybe it's a month where you're not around the external thing creating an emotional reaction, maybe it's more. And just start to notice how do you feel after that time, that break away, when you hear about the thing, when you are exposed to it by chance, possibly, do you still have an emotional reaction to it? If you do, then you're probably still in the midst of deconditioning yourself from this connection to it. And if you don't have the emotional reaction, then you'll see that you have started to create this separation. There might be some changes that you don't anticipate happening if you are able to cultivate a separation from it, because you might still have people in your life [00:29:00] who are really connected to whatever it is, whether it's a certain food. I know this can happen for people who give up alcohol or give up sugar. It's hard for them to be around people who still want to eat all of that because they feel this pressure, the social pressure, to continue partaking in something they used to enjoy. You might start to feel disconnected from those people just naturally because maybe this thing was the thing you bonded over, whether it's a certain food or a certain way of socializing. But the more you create this separation, the more you are able to get in alignment with your true self, and an inner peace will start to come within you surrounding this thing, because you've let go of this attachment and you, because of that, become more connected to your inner self.
Dominique: And like anything that you were just starting off with changing, change is hard. It takes time. You're doing a whole new way of living, even [00:30:00] if it's just simply no longer partaking in watching sports because of it triggering too much. That is a whole new way of living that your body is needing to adjust with. It's really coming to the understanding that time is going to be key when it comes to having better control over your emotional state and recognizing that it's all about repetition. Anytime we're doing something new, it's repetitive in order to make it a new habit and a new way of living. Also recognizing that it can be lonely, but you're doing it for the betterment of your own wellbeing. Like you mentioned, Karrie, especially if you're someone who's trying to eat a different way or cutting out alcohol, those things, yes, can feel very lonely, but the payoff, the control that you have over your own [00:31:00] wellbeing, whether it's physical or emotional, outweighs everything. It's always easy to say after the fact, once you've gone through the hard stuff, but really just give yourself that compassion and love as you're entering into something new and recognize that emotions are energy. They do not define you because you are pure love, and there is no questioning about that.
Karrie: Thank you for listening to this episode. Your support is so appreciated.
Dominique: If you'd like to have a question answered about your Human Design or Enneagram type in a future episode, you can submit it through the link in the show notes. We'd love to hear from [00:32:00] you.
