A&A Ep. 73
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Karrie: [00:00:00] Welcome to Awakened and Alive After 40.
Dominique: If you're searching for inspiring and easy to apply Enneagram and Human Design content, then you've come to the right place. We're your hosts, Dominique
Karrie: and Karrie. Two friends and coaches who are passionate about sharing our knowledge and insights on these two powerful self-awareness systems to help you step outside the box and into a life that is true to who you really are.
Dominique: We're so grateful to have you here. Let's jump into today's episode. Hey there and welcome to Awakened and Alive After 40. Thank you so much for hitting play on today's episode. This is your first time listening in, welcome. We are so incredibly grateful to have you here. And if you are a regular to our show, we would absolutely love to hear your feedback, [00:01:00] so please don't hesitate to click the link down below on the show notes where you can share your thoughts with us, get your burning questions answered regarding the Enneagram or Human Design, and as always, we would love to have you rate the show if you are finding it of tremendous value. So in today's episode, we are going to be continuing with our conversation from last week about manifestation and what it really is and how our meanings drive our experiences and what we create for our lives. So stick with us today because we're going to be going over four easy steps to rewrite your story and get out of your own way. This is something I am so incredibly passionate about because when I started my journey to rewriting my story, which was in 2019, when I think about it, that was not long ago. That was just five years ago. I'm 42. So you are never too late to rewrite [00:02:00] your story, to start a new journey. And this process really transformed my life and continues to, to this day. One of my favorite quotes is by Carl Jung. He is a Swiss psychologist. It's until you make the unconscious conscious. conscious, it will direct your life and you'll call it fate. So in today's episode, we're going to talk a little bit about how our subconscious mind really drives most of our lives and how we can start to rewire this programming to create new meanings in our life.
Karrie: I'm so excited for this conversation, because I think what we're going to discuss today is really related to a topic that comes up in a lot of our episodes, which is our conditioning and how our own conditioned thoughts and opinions that we don't even know were essentially [00:03:00] planted there by someone else, whether it was our caregivers or society, and if we don't take the time to really examine those and figure out if our true self aligns with them, we just sort of continue living life in this unconscious way. Some people even call it sleepwalking through life, that you're just going through the motions and doing what you think you should be doing.
Dominique: Yeah, it's functioning on autopilot, right? Because our subconscious mind, it actually drives more than 95 percent of our behaviors and actions. We're living very little of our lives through our conscious knowing, our conscious minds. And the subconscious mind, it really becomes programmed from the ages of zero to seven, this is where we're like sponges. So everything that we're seeing and hearing, we then start to interpret as our stories, as our beliefs. This is where it's so crucial [00:04:00] when we're asking ourselves, why can't I just do this? Why can't I be successful in a way that I want to? Why can't I find the love that I want? What's wrong with me? Am I broken? These are the kinds of stories that so many of us carry, and the phenomenal part here is that we can rewrite those. We can change our behaviors. The thing is, no matter what you say you want, if your underlying belief about it is one of fear of lack or pain, you'll either number one, block yourself from receiving it. So, if you're someone who's seeking love and a deep connection with somebody else, you may very well be unconsciously blocking yourself from receiving it. Then number two, you might let yourself receive it, but feel really uncomfortable or uncertain about it, and then most likely end up sabotaging yourself later on and [00:05:00] losing it anyway. So, this is why it's so crucial to focus on what are the meanings that we're carrying, and what areas of life are we feeling stuck. That's a process that we're going to be taking you through today.
Karrie: And I think a lot of people buy into this outdated idea that our brains sort of reach a fixed point once we are to a certain age. It's that old adage of you can't teach an old dog new tricks and that has been disproven that our brains and our thinking can maintain an elasticity to it. So we are able to consciously change thought patterns, biases, when we bring them into our conscious awareness. So we don't have to be stuck in that fixed mindset that plagues so many of us, and it makes us think, well, I just, I can't change. This is who I am.
Dominique: Yeah, absolutely. That [00:06:00] was a belief that I carried for a very long time. This is just who I am. I can't do anything about it. There's actually a book by Dr. Joe Dispenza. It's called Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. I'll leave that linked in the show notes because this book was the first introduction for me to come to the realization that I was the creator of my life, and I am 100%. responsible for my life. So it's the spectrum where we take full responsibility for our lives, or we play the victim. And it's natural to kind of ebb and flow on this spectrum, but I was stuck in a place of being victim. This is where the book really opened my eyes to realize that as I am continuing this victim consciousness, I'm continuing to limit what I want and deserve for my life.
Karrie: It's a really powerful realization and it's by no means easy to change your thought patterning, especially [00:07:00] things that have been so ingrained in us to believe through our societal conditioning. But it is so powerful when you just start to notice why did I just think that? Why did that pop into my head? I don't really believe that. Or where did that come from? When you just start noticing the way you think and what you're thinking, it gives you the power to take control over your own thoughts. Now, it's a constant thing. I don't think you ever stop this. It's nothing that you achieve and then you're done. You just have to realize this is something you'll probably be doing the rest of your life is examining all those mindless things that come into your head and understanding and realizing that your thoughts are not you.
Dominique: I love how you talk about, it's just stopping yourself and gaining that awareness because that's exactly how the subconscious mind works. It learns and is [00:08:00] programmed through repetition plus emotion. So if for the first seven plus years of your life, you're having this repetition of a belief or a story, then that's very much going to be ingrained in your subconscious mind. You also mentioned, Karrie, that the brain is flexible. We can create new pathways, and we do so by repetition and connecting emotion to it. It's part of this process where I like to say it's kind of putting a scratch in the record. Every time you catch yourself going through a loop of a story that is not as strong as it could be, or should be, because of you just being fully worthy and of value, then you're stopping that. You're putting a scratch in that record. You're stopping yourself and saying, wait a minute, and you're getting curious about it and examining that belief and asking whether it's true or not. You're the one that gets to decide what your beliefs and [00:09:00] meanings are. When it comes to the Enneagram though, I'm really curious about how this ego side of our conditioned beliefs and behaviors really starts to dictate our lives and what we're creating.
Karrie: One thing that popped in my head as you were speaking a minute ago about how we just think this is who I am and I can't change, this is one of the more negative sides of the Enneagram when people don't use it in a productive way is sometimes people will get stuck once they know their Enneagram type in thinking, well, this is my type and sort of blaming behaviors on that. Well, I'm a Type 1, so I'm just going to be critical. That's what Type 1s do. I'm going to judge others instead of recognizing, no, that is the ego structure that was built around your personality, but you are in control of that. So the underlying foundation of the whole Enneagram framework are the core fears and the core desires of each [00:10:00] type. Basically, subconsciously, when we were kids, whatever reason, we subconsciously learn that we want to avoid our core fear and we want to obtain our core desire. So almost all of our behaviors in life are trying to achieve this. Each of the nine types has a distinct core fear and core desire. For you, Dominique, you are a Type 9, and Type 9s have a core fear of conflict and of being overlooked, feeling dismissed, separated, unaccepted, because of conflict. Their core desire, what they crave, what their behaviors are trying to gain for them, is a feeling of inner peace, serenity, to be at ease, to be comfortable within themselves and within the world.
Dominique: Yep. That absolutely resonates with me. That's pretty fascinating.
Karrie: For me, I'm a Type 1. My core fear is being bad, wrong, corrupt, evil, out of integrity. So my desire is the flip side of that. I want to be good. I want to be perfect. I [00:11:00] want to have integrity. I always want to be doing the right thing. And right thing is through my definition, which is the big learning point for Type 1s. Is your definition always right? It's a big question, because for most of us stuck in that ego structure, it certainly is always right. But when you step outside of it, you can start to see, well, that's just my conditioning, and my right might not be the same right for someone else.
Dominique: Absolutely, it's all about the meanings that we carry, and also how the nervous system, that's a big function as well is that a lot of our stories come from the state of our nervous system. So if we feel that we are in a place of lacking safety or fear, then, yeah, that drives the stories that we're telling ourselves and the meanings as well. So that's fascinating. You mentioned with it being based off of that core fear and core desire because it very much connects to how the nervous system functions on top of that subconscious [00:12:00] programming.
Karrie: And if any listeners are curious about their Enneagram types', core fear or core desire, please feel free to send us a quick message. I would love to send you a message back about your type's core fear and core desire. We don't want this episode to be too long, so I'm not going to go through each of the nine types, but it is a very powerful piece of the system, and the part of the system we recommend people start with when you're trying to navigate finding out your type, or understanding your type better.
Dominique: Absolutely. It really is a powerful system, so certainly don't hesitate to reach out. When it comes to Quantum Human Design, and this is what I spoke about last week, was that when we're going through the manifestation process, or more simply put, creating a life that you desire, it has everything to do with the meanings that we're holding and the personal narrative as well. So, your personal narrative informs your [00:13:00] experience of reality. There is so much research now that shows and supports this understanding of how important your story is and the story you tell about who you are. This is what I love so much about Quantum Human Design is it's a map of your energy, of who you were born to be. And it's kind of a story plot that you get to examine everything is based off of archetypes. Archetypes have different meanings for each individual. There's spectrums that you can live on, and we talk about that all the time, living on the high end or low end of the spectrum when it comes to the different ways we live our lives. But when you tell a story about yourself that causes you to translate your experiences or interpret them in such a way that creates the sense of lack or not enough or that you're a [00:14:00] victim, then it literally influences the way you behave and therefore the way you're going to experience life. So if you want a different experience, you have to rewrite your story. You have to create a more empowering story and more empowering meanings that reflect the truth of who you are, not based off of societal conditioning or familiar conditioning but your truth. And that's what Quantum Human Design really can help guide us through.
Karrie: I am super excited, Dominique, to hear more about these four steps to rewrite our stories, because this is something that I think is going to be a really powerful piece of learning for me and for anyone listening to this episode.
Dominique: We are going to jump into it right now. If you're listening to this episode at home, grab a pen and paper. If you are driving or not able to just yet, make sure you save this episode [00:15:00] and go through these steps when you have the opportunity, because I promise you it is going to bring a lot of aha moments into your world. So I first want to start off by talking a little bit about how this process works, how our stories lead to beliefs and actually our beliefs impact our stories. But from there, we start to have emotions and feelings based off of these beliefs and these emotions and feelings guide our actions. We first, number one, want to identify the stories and beliefs that we're holding. And I like to do this by looking at the different areas of life. So we've got financial, we have career, we have relationships, we have mindset, and looking at what area of life are you feeling resistance or feeling stuck. For example, one of my major areas was finance, money. So when I took the first step into identifying my stories [00:16:00] and beliefs, what I found was money doesn't come easy, and It actually destroys relationships. The reason why I had that story is because I saw my parents go through very challenging times trying to make money to support family. So the belief that I then developed is money is bad. And so for much of my life, and this is still a belief that I work on regularly, but for much of my life, I carried this story and this belief, so then my behavior, my actions were of a lot of overspending and not spending wisely. For me, this overspending came from, well, it's not going to be there for very long anyways, or I didn't feel worthy of holding on to the money that I made, and so my actions being from a place of this thing is bad really led me to sabotage myself when [00:17:00] I was desiring financial freedom. When we first look at the stories and beliefs, this is where we can start to get clear. So I recommend make a list of three to five of these stories that come to mind. So it could be money, it could be love, it could be success, health. It's whatever you find yourself struggling with right now. And the easiest way I think to identify is listening to our self-talk. So things that start with I always or, I can't, or I should have, I don't have. So maybe I always end up spending too much money or losing track of my spending, or I always fall for the wrong person. So this is where taking the time to listen to yourself talk can really help you identify stories that might be keeping you stuck. When you identify those stories, then you [00:18:00] can take a look at what are the beliefs that come up for you when you tell yourself those stories. And so when you look at those, you can then begin to question your beliefs and stories, which is the second step. Now, when it comes to beliefs and stories, Karrie, would you like to share maybe one that comes to mind for yourself?
Karrie: When you were talking about money, I have a lot of beliefs and stories around money that have not served me well. I was thinking a big one for me that I'm still working through and it's super important for anyone out there who's a Projector to recognize if you have this story, because it does not serve us well, is that you only deserve money if you've worked really hard for it. And by our societal standards in the United States, working really hard means many hours, you're sacrificing your free time for work, you're sacrificing family time, you're sacrificing your health, because work is where your value lies. And [00:19:00] I still get stuck in this thinking of, I will look at how many hours I put in per day toward my business, and if it doesn't reach a certain number, I think I wasn't productive today. Even though for us as Projectors, rest is productivity because we have to recharge. We have to give our body and our soul time to integrate and receive new ideas and new guidance, and we can't do that when we're go, go, go, go. I know this, but I still get stuck in this thinking that, well, I didn't earn money because I didn't work hard enough.
Dominique: So much of at least the American population really gets stuck in that loop. And when it comes to rest, none of us earn rest. We have the right to rest when we need to. It is not something to earn, period. But that is very much part of the societal conditioning when it comes [00:20:00] to work harder in order to be successful or to make sure you're not looked at as being lazy. It's a good story to certainly look at for sure. So for the second step, when I mentioned the questioning of it, this is where you can look at your beliefs, your stories and ask, is this meaning I'm giving to the story or to the situation true? For myself, when I was looking at this money doesn't come easy. It destroys relationship. It felt true at the time because that was very personal that I was experiencing, just seeing it within my family. But no, it's not true. Every single human out there does not struggle in this way or have relationships destroyed because of money. It just happened to be something that I believed at the time, but no, ultimately it is not true. And especially then asking [00:21:00] yourself if it's not true, when is the last time you felt that it was safe to accept money or it was safe to accept love, connection? You're looking at the opposite. So when I was looking at no, actually there were times where I made money off of helping others. And that really just filled my heart, and I had so much gratitude from it. So looking at it and asking yourself first, is this true? And if not, then can you take yourself back to a time when you felt the opposite, when you felt worthy, lovable, successful, of great health, and this is where the emotion connected to repetition comes into play when we're reprogramming the subconscious mind, feeling into that emotion, that is your truth.
Karrie: Hey there, friend. Have you signed up for the [00:22:00] Awakened and Alive newsletter yet? If not, we want to invite you to get on the list so you don't miss out on the exciting new offerings we have planned for 2024.
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Karrie: That's really powerful, especially becoming aware, not only of the thought process, but the emotion that's connected to it and trying to cultivate that more true idea that the old way of thinking wasn't true and then connecting it to the new emotion that you would feel from it. Because our emotions are powerful messengers in our body and can be more important than our thoughts when it comes to feeling safe, feeling into our [00:23:00] intuitive knowing, things like this. It's a really important piece.
Dominique: Yeah. It absolutely is. It's something where questioning it is all about getting curious, not judging yourself for having this belief or story, but getting curious so that you can begin to identify what your truth really is. Another example I think a lot of us can relate to is love, finding a relationship or a connection that we're desiring. A lot of the times the belief we can get stuck in is I'm unlovable, I'm not enough. It's all about when did you last feel lovable and enough? It doesn't have to be with a romantic partner. It can be with a relative, a friend that made you feel seen and loved, and it's feeding into that emotion and understanding that just because this happened in the past doesn't mean this has to be my truth for the rest of my life. It's all about [00:24:00] recognizing in which ways are we lovable, or of strong health, or enough. This is where the questioning comes into play. The next step, the third step, is repeat, repeat, repeat. Again, we're reprogramming the subconscious mind. It is through repetition and emotion. So what I like to do is I have a list of my beliefs and the stories attached to them. I keep them at the side of my bed, and first thing in the morning, I look at them and I think back at those times when I felt good enough, when I felt lovable, when I felt smart enough, when I felt worthy of financial freedom. I sit and I just feel into those emotions just for a couple of minutes, not long. But I just sit with it and feel into it so that way, it's through the repetition that we can carry that over into our daily life as well.
Karrie: This is the piece that I [00:25:00] think people might find challenging, because this is the work. This is where we have to really be conscious and really be aware when we get stuck in these old patterns of thinking and catch ourselves and find the new thinking, the new thought pattern, the new belief. This is one of those things that's never ending. This is an ongoing process that we as humans who are doing this work are going to be engaged with for the rest of our lives. .
Dominique: The cool thing is, even though this does take repetition and consistency in showing up for yourself regularly, within just a few weeks, you can start to see and feel tremendous change in your mindset and in your beliefs. So it doesn't take that long. It's a muscle that you are training. But if you can dedicate even just two to five minutes a day to examining your stories and [00:26:00] feeling into the emotions of the truth of those stories, then this could absolutely change your life. Step four is something that I think is another crucial part of it because step four is putting it into action throughout the day. So knowing is not enough. Step four is about disconfirming your beliefs. So what is one small action step you can take each day to show your nervous system, to show your body that it is safe to receive, to desire what it is that you're desiring. If it's this belief of I'm alone, and you are really stuck in this cycle of anytime a friend says they're busy to do something, right away, your belief is, I'm alone. Are you really alone? No. We have so many other people around us. So to show your nervous system that you are [00:27:00] not alone and that it is safe, maybe that's going to your favorite coffee shop to be around others and to recognize, I'm not alone. And if you're around others, you're feeding off of the energy as well of others around you. So it gives even that greater sense of connection. So what is one small thing you can do each day to show your nervous system that it is safe, that you are connected to others, that you are worthy. That is really one of the key steps, I believe, because knowing is not enough. It's really applying what you learn, what you identify now as your stories and beliefs that are potentially sabotaging your desires in life. It's knowing and recognizing it and then now starting to experiment and disconfirm those beliefs through the process of experimentation and introducing these experiences into your [00:28:00] life. Like I mentioned, the coffee shop is one of those where when I feel like I'm alone, that's something that I actually do. I go to my local coffee shop to remind myself that I'm not. I'm not alone. I'm surrounded by people who love me. People who are there for me through friendships, and it's a beautiful thing as a reminder.
Karrie: I love that one because it's like you said, putting it into practice and teaching your body, the physical self, these new habits, these new thoughts, these new emotions, these new stories that we tell ourselves. Just to recap the four steps in a really condensed way, number one, identify your stories and the beliefs that accompany them. Yeah. So, awareness. Number two, question it. Look at if it's true all the time, and when it's not true, recognize that. Number three, repeat, repeat, repeat. So, continually doing this throughout the day and recognizing the stories and [00:29:00] questioning them. Then number four, putting it into practice, knowing it in your mind and even in your emotions isn't enough. We want the body to feel what it's like to rewrite the story.
Dominique: Absolutely. Especially because our nervous systems impact the stories that we carry especially if our nervous system is feeling dysregulated, maybe in a sympathetic state, which is fight or flight, maybe you're feeling unsafe or that the world is unsafe. So, how can you not only work on it through the subconscious mind, the mindset in general, but also show your body that it is safe. And that's through nervous system regulation, breath work, yoga, a lot of the things that we talk about here, play as well. So it's linking it all together. You can't have one without the other. It's not mind over body or body over mind. They communicate and it's really [00:30:00] about bringing it all together as a whole to start to really unlock your full potential because you deserve to thrive. You deserve to experience all of the joy and love and connection you possibly desire, and you can have it. It really starts with first gaining that awareness, get curious, examine the areas that you're feeling a little bit stagnant or stuck and through consistency, just a few minutes a day for a few weeks, that's all it takes to start seeing massive change and change that you're honestly probably going to be obsessed with and not want to put on the back burner because that's something that I found with myself and a lot of my coaching clients, they became obsessed with the process of creating the life they desire through creating a new narrative.[00:31:00]
Karrie: Thank you for listening to this episode. Your support is so appreciated.
Dominique: If you'd like to have a question answered about your Human Design or Enneagram type in a future episode, you can submit it through the link in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.
